Sounds like you're doing great it's slow but great. My sitch is similar in that my H has been gone over 18 months and has OW although not sure whether it started before or after he left.
I'm trying to do same as you slowly but surely. And like you it seems to be going in the right direction. Soooo frustrating though.
Wish you well with the surgery. I think as he's the father of the kids you should rely on him for child support as necessary, but accept that emotional support for you has to come from his own initiative, but take it if offered.
