Sorry I am not saying much - don't know what to say. H keeps calling to talk it out but it is more like a backwards apology - I am sorry that what you said pissed me off! Will see what this weekend brings. I was going to ask if we can use the therapy session tommorrow for us.
Good idea! I hope he is receptive to it. I know he is trying, but at the same time to keep saying/doing bad behavior and just apologizing for it over and over doesn't work. Not sure what he did, but after awhile the Im Sorry isn't enough.
I hope you can get it figured out!
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
Well it was more of the same today - he is still hypersensitive and argumentative.
Has cancelled move in plans, so I will arrange other time off for myself.
Wants to talk to the IC about MC starting, doesn't want me there tommorrow.
Look, there is so much I could say but I am tired of going over it in my mind and I am tired of talking about it to everyone.
In short, H got angry that I couldn't back him up financially on getting a new car for himself - it was a misperception on his part but HE THOUGHT THAT _SO IT MAKES IT TRUE...
H didn't want to argue so he hung up - then called back to say more and I hung up -he has been angry now about me hanging up even though he can hang up everytime he calls me when he doesn't want to argue.
Then he began the old cancelling plans that we had this week, now the weekend and the move and maybe the MC.
I have felt like I am on a roller coaster all week -want to know where my H went and now I am considering my options so that I can go back to being bummed but not on a roller coaster.
What is different, he isn't drinking - he hasn't asked for a D - just more time - he admits we can't solve this ourselves and we need help. He also would like to forgive and forget and move forward -except then nothing would get worked through and we will keep repeating the scenario.
Hmmm..not sure why you are having problems registering. The site has been up and down all week with upgrade work. Maybe it has something to do with that. Do they need time to approve your application? I can't remember I have been on there so long. Keep trying.
I am at a loss for words on your H. Not sure what is going on. Hang in there.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
H has problems - so what's new about that statement?
H claims that his anxiety is what plays havoc in his life - the A, he says exacerbated that problem and then became a problem of its own.
So, it goes that...first his excuse was the A made him do all those awful things, now his second excuse is his anxiety is causing the problems. Any bets as to what his next excuse will be? Oh, I got it... my parents are at fault.
I get it now... he doesn't have to take responsibility for his behavior - nice try. When do I get to use excuses?
Well, it seems that H had a great IC session and insight about what set him off this week and he has taken responsibility for it all.
IC gave us a way to view it as "like a slip" - though he didn't drink. H understood that he got temporarily stuck feeling rejected and then resorting to thoughts of "sour grapes" - or why bother to hang in there if it is always going to be difficult.
He came out of it and I could see what the IC was saying b/c I had thought of it myself - so I didn't over react at first. IC kept reminding him and us that if we had 8 weeks of things going well when we couldn't put two weeks together in three years - then we have figured out what to do.
Made sense to me. Today we had another incident but recovered within minutes. Had a good day at the pool... later H tells me that he was feeling really hopeful when he saw us work through earlier situation. It was the first time he worked through a resolution to a situation and compromised - and said it felt great.
So it feels like progress again. MC starts next week - H made an appt for us. IC feels good about the changes being made already (he started us on MC before but H didn't f/u b/c of the drinking)
The move is tenative - based on how the MC sessions go over the next few weeks and dependent on things working out. H wants it back on - I asked for "wiggle room" to make sure we will be successful. H agreed.
Kassie, I think thats a good way to view it, as a slip. Im so glad that things have sort of settled down again. And Im really happy to hear that you have a MC appt! My H seems to have lost the desire to make things work, so its really good to hear about other people getting back on track.
I also think that its really smart for you to relax the expectations involving the move, like you said, to make sure that you are successful.
I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
I am also glad you are going to MC! I always thought of it as a neutral party keeping you both accountable. You and your H will have to answer to the MC for the behaviors instead of eachother.
Did you ever get into that site?
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
SO2 - Yes, after two days and a million attempts I got in.
((B)) - I am sorry that things have slowed down for you. Do you have any clues as to what is happening?
H couldn't stop talking about all that he has learned this weekend and how good it feels for him last night and today.
Another new things, I was having one of the roughest days at work - and H who is there usually vents to me on his tough days, but minimizes my stuff. Today he kept checking on me to see if I was ok and would give me mini pep talks to keep me calm. He was so supportive and it felt very good.
I am also beginning to experience small but important thoughts about our M and the things that go on - like this: I am aware that some of our arguments come from wanting to convince the other that our intentions are for the good rather than at odds.
