I got news today that's been a bit unsettling, a few women from our church has been keeping in touch with my W. One told me that the W told her that she was doing fine, but figured Id be having a hard time with this. Then another told me that W told her that she was absolutely going to D me. Then the last one(second hand info but I'm sure there's some truth to it) said that W texted her friend and said ok now he gets it(referring to what was wrong in the M) I just wish he would get that I don't love him. Shes never said that to me. I know believe none of what I hear, and only half of what I see... but man its hard. I feel so weak sometimes, and I still fear the hearing that's coming up(on Wed) mostly because of the unknown I guess.
The one consolation I can take from that text is that at least by that statement, she listened to what I told her, and I was right that was the "it" that I never got before.
How do you stay so strong, and how do you keep crap like that from eating you up?
I constantly feel like I need to do something because Texas only has a 2 month cool down period before the D is final. As it stands I'm already nearly 2 weeks into it. I know there's a lot of folks who are 2 years into theirs and, I don't want to sound like I think I can push a button and make it ok, but I guess there isn't really anything good I can do in a hurry. Yeah just a bad day. Need to take a breath and try and not get so dang spun up. Unfortunately I have so many questions, and very few answers. When do you get to ask why?
