W got here at 8pm. She brought over a bag of ice because I asked her if she could pick one up on her way since I was trying to boil a chicken at the time. So her and the kids come in and I am just sitting at the table deshelling pistachios. I don't really say anything. She finishes bringing stuff up. I thank her for the ice. She says you are welcomed.
Then I ask the kids if they made it to church this morning. They said no. W never really takes them anymore. I shook my head in disbelief. W saw me and starts to explain her weekend. Apparently the AC and hot water heater went out in the house so they had to stay with her mom. There was also gas in the house from the connection some how. I guess things didn't go well. Then Saturday she took the van to 3 different garages and couldn't get it to pass inspection and has to put some money into getting it fixed. She almost broke down in tears telling me. Then she says it has been a really crappy weekend so no, they didn't make it to church. Then she turns and starts walking out. I followed her out and told her I am sorry, I didn't know. And she said no, I didn't.
She didn't want to talk about it any further. I could tell she was really frusturated with her weekend. I hadn't seen her almost break down like that in forever. I had begun to wonder if she was still human. She didn't end up crying, but I could see it in her eyes that she was close.
The sad thing is, I really wanted to step in and help her out which I could. But she doesn't want it and this is the past she has chosen at this point and time. So I didn't.
I don't like to see her frusturated like that or having problems like that. But there is nothing I can do about. She is choosing this lifestyle. It made me think praise God that I am not really having any problems. Ya, things are tighter for me and I have to watch money closer and I am trying to save money. But overall, nothing is giving me any major headaches in life other than not having my wife. My life is getting better little by little.
She just looked like she was having a real tough time tonite. I think she didn't want to tell me she is having some difficulties because she has so much pride. But when I shook my head, she felt the need to defend herself. Little did I know what had been going on. I probably blew an opportunity to look good in her eyes. But at the same time as far as I was aware, everything has been going fantastic for her in her life. And had I not shook my head, I would not have known what was really going on.
Oh well. I love her and I pray for us to reconcile. I don't like to see her like this but I can't step in and help her out.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
