Stepping out and Stepping UP!

[cagzmom]

so my latest pain......... more moving on.

x has now openned up the "new" girl into my daughters life and of course is doing the standard "oh I want you to meet her.." and all the garbage that goes with it. Since the divorce i had to deal with the pain of the bimbo bitch. it hurt. hurt like knowone should have to hurt .. i dont want to ever hurt like that again.

now there is the latest girlfriend. whom i am sure is probably a nice person. even bimbo bitch was nice. This is #4 I think...but only #2 on the scale of bringing her around my daughter. he even talked about bringing her to one of d12's performances this summer. Ok i am NOT ready for that..

so now he wants d12 to meet her. d12 comes home and we were both kinda distant..and then she started talking. it usually takes about 30 minutes for her ot open up after being with him -- and this time she cried because he has another girlfriend. she said he didn't deserve to have someone..wished i did. she wished that i had someone to be with... she said that she wants me to find someone and get married first..... (it isn't what she REALLY wants but she was saying she wants for me to be happy).

both of my kids are there. want for me to be happy and loved. and here i am... still alone. still thinking about him (though it is changing) and still healing. when will my heart heal? this is ridiculous!! i feel like such an idiot!!

i know what i dont want. i dont want to be one of those women that are still pining over "him" 10 years from now. i want to grow, i want to love and i want to BE LOVED. Why does he get that yet again? a liar, a cheat, a sneak, an adulterer. it hurts and right now today -- i really feel like it just isn't fair!!