Your friend has a good point, I think. What is best for you and what do you want at this point? If you don't want a divorce, don't initiate one. You can sit still and see the situation develop but it will take loads of patience. How much is it worth it to you? The situation can unfold in various ways:
a. H can do nothing, you can carry on as you do now with little contact and no closure. You most likely will become fed up/tired/ready to move on and at that point you may be ready to file.
b. You and H re-establish your R.
c. H decides he is ready for a D and he takes control.
I may be missing some possible scenarios but this is how I see it right now.
It has only been a few months since your S. I know it seems like an eternity but really it isn't. There is nothing wrong with giving it more time if you are not ready to do anything else.
How do you handle a spouse that does not want a D but is separated? Tough one. Possibilities?
a. You don't "handle" them. You get on with your life, GAL and let time and space do their work. As much time and space as you need. The answer will then make itself apparent to you.
b. You wait for him to have a Damascus road ephipany. Could happen. Could not. We don't know cause we can't see the future.
It really boils down to you, your patience , tolerance level and where you are at a particular point in time. If you are a praying person it boils down to your guidance from God and your prayer life.
Why do spouses want no divorce but want to be separated?
This is another multiple choice question.
a. They are confused and don't know what the hell they want. You can't be M and single at the same time. That's not how it works. Someone needs to get them a play book.
b. They are just focusing on their immediate needs and have not thought that far down the road.
c. It suits them to have it this way for whatever reasons. They could also genuinely be experiencing pain at the thought of ending a M because they are human notwithstanding the alien behvaiour which they are exhibiting.
It is very possible that the NC could spark your H's interest. But you will have to let it play out if you are so inclined and have the patience. Sometimes no movement is movement. You are growing and changing each day even if you are doing nothing outwardly.
What does your inner voice tell you it is time to do? I know that sounds very airy fairy but for me my inner voice has been very good these last few months. I knew when to be still then I knew when it was time to do something. How do you read your own sitch?
You'll figure it out, sweetie. Let us know how it goes.
