Yay!!!!! Finally a new thread.

[25yearsmlc]

A/K, just a few ideas I'm tossing around. I am not sure it is a bad idea to get things off your chest and if and when he ever re-reads it, you'll have given him a reality ball. BUT he'll only read so much. Two or three paragraphs AT MOST....if you can keep it to one, the chance he'll read it all, greatly increases...so pick and choose...
j-

I just received a remarkably concise email from H. This means he a) "got it" and b) is grumpy about it.

I wrote the following which I will NOT send because the truth is, I have the upper hand even if it doesn't feel like it and I want to stop making things so verbose and complicated. But here is what I would have sent if I felt it was worth the effort. If he is a jerk when I drop off the kids, I might revisit it.

It seems you are aggravated and annoyed that I want some space and need time to heal. (Or maybe, "Though I'm not a mind reader, you actually seemed angry at me yesterday just for trying to get space from you, which I need to heal.) (I -note the "I" statements--have been hurt and devastated by your leaving as have our children, and moreover, some things you have said, are unecessarily cruel. On numerous occasions, you compared me to the new women in your life, to my face and you belittle me. ANd then you blame me for your present conduct as well. This is not all new behavior of yours, but it shocks me that you would still play the blame game when we have not lived together now for months... Your behavior has been hurtful and devastating to me our children, and much of our extended family. You've gone so far as to numerous times compare me to your knew love interest and belittle me. And then you blame me for your emotionally abusive behavior which by the way is pretty consistent with how you've treated me for a long time. I realize that I hurt you too but this all reminds me of what the dynamic has been for so long.
[i]Though this upper part is fully justified, the rest of the letter (below) might need to be sent. Just wondering..


When you mentioned being "even" yesterday, I realized how heartless you have become and how dangerous this situation is and sad that the kids are in the middle. 50/50 responsibility would have meant that we were "even" when you left. The fact that you are still looking for payback is a testament to your guilt (OR something internal in you b/c he may not ever admit feeling guilt which equals responsibility) and how difficult it is to rationalize your behavior (even with all of the swell of support you seem (CLAIM) to have found)...you have to go back to the well to find a way to blame me and I suspect you may do that forever. WHILE SURPRISING AT THIS POINT IN THE SITUATION, THIS BLAME GAME OF YOURS NO LONGER CONCERNS ME AS I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER YOUR ACTIONS, & AND I NEVER CAUSED ANY OF THEM EITHER...

But, the victims of that are not just us and our emotional well beings but our kids as well. They've been living in that paradigm of blame for so long. Now that you have what you want and you are loved in the "right" way, there should be no reason to blame me or seek revenge.

PERFECT A/K



You have expressed that in your heart you know this is right and you are fulfilling your destiny so there should be nothing but clarity and a newfound ability to empathize and treat me with gratitude and respect. Giving me space and time to heal and respecting boundaries would be part and parcel to exhibiting your goodwill. That would also preclude you from making veiled threats and having a nasty attitude.[/i]

[i]LOVE IT
[/i]

after all, if he is so convinced that he has FINALLY done the "right" thing, what's with the anger" What's with the threats? [color:#FF0000]When will he think the kids have been damaged enough for HIM to feel better about himself, since this is all about THAT???? Why are YOU so at peace (Interally you will be...'fake it til you make it honey' and use those acting skills in front of him to display utter indifference...in time, that is what you will feel. Where the head goes, the heart WILL follow, if you let it). Why are you so kind to the kids? Oh wait, I know, you love them and don't use them to hurt him!! ANd b/c you are finally free to live a life without a succubus in it.[/color] The "happiness drain" is finally, thank GOD, moving on to some other place where I'm sure his "contributions" will be more fully appreciated....Well good for him! We're all so happy for his new found sense of peace and harmony...I'm sure it will last and last and be so productive. And hey, if it is, that's great news for you and the kids cuz maybe some bills will be paid. take note of his life style b/c the court will....and they DO count "OW"s" incomes by the way, IF you get a divorce decree, and he lives with rich OW, THAT counts and helps YOU....but you gotta get it in writing. Wait, you have that cousin DIV L....time for a call to the family business guy perhaps. Just get info....lots and lots of info and have a good beautiful day.

(((( HUGS ))))
j-