Going straight forward...antlers 5th thread.

[antlers]

I had to read back a few pages to catch up so fogive me if I've missed a few of the finer points in your situation and have to ask questions.

The arrangement you and W have now with the kids - both agreed to this? I'm guessing 'yes'.

How are your children doing under current schedule? This is really the heart of the matter. THIS IS REALLY THE HEART OF THE MATTER. Your children need the influence (translation - time) with both their mother and father. 50/50 as it is - is that need being met?

Sounds like she would like to make this about you being a jerk....again or still. Your concerns factor in your attention to her perception or your appearance of being flexible.

At the point that a woman (or a man - but women struggle more with this) makes the decision to split, she must take the good with the bad. It's been said here frequently - she's gotta put those Big Girl Panties on and deal...by herself...with the choice she has made. You, Antlers, are not obligated to make this easier for her. Any flexibility or provision or compromise you make now is to make it EASIER for your children. That's your role as father. And it is a bulletproof position. You can be proud of it. You won't regret it. Your children will respect it (someday ).

So, having said that, if being flexible in addressing her complaints go to addressing a need unmet in your children's lives ~ do what you can and make it work. If being flexible is more about pacifying a petulant, childish W who doesn't like the way the cookie is crumbling, well, you know what to do there.

Cheers ~~~

Hi Greek! Thank you for responding.

Yes, we both agreed to 'sharing' the kids equally.

The kids are doing fine (under the circumstances) with the current schedule. Yes...the 50/50 need of our kids is being met.

I feel like I have been, and am, flexible.

There are consequences for her, too, for leaving! She got pissed at me because I took the kids on a nice vacation recently! I primarily want my flexibility and compromises/provisions to make it EASIER for our kids...but it would be nice, also, if these actions sent a positive message to my wife too!

I don't want to pacify her. She chose to leave and this is how things are right now.