Trying to cope with H, IA/EA (was Newbie-1st post)

[Faith2010]

H called this morning. S is with me and answered the phone (Not knowing I would not have). H asked when we were coming home. I said tonight or tomorrow. H asked if we would be home for dinner because he would cook. I said no, we would not but I will let him know if that changes. H said "I miss you". I said "You do?" H said "yes". I said "okay".

I am still undecided if I want to go home tonight or tomorrow. I really want to sleep in my own bed but I don't want to see H. I also should probably go to work tomorrow although work will be fine if I'm not there. Thinking about going home makes me nervous and sick to my stomach.

I know I need to face H at some point. I feel as if things are different now. I refuse to be his emotional punching bag any longer. Even so, I know my feelings are still raw and I'm afraid of being pushed over the edge again. Of course S is now going to be home with us which will probably make a difference. I have to be strong for him.

I need advice on handling the sex dicussion with H. I figure I should talk from the standpoint of how I feel but I don't know how to do it without pointing out it is because of the fact that he is having an affair. "I don't feel I can engage in sex with you, my husband, as long as our marriage vows are not being honored due to the affair." Or "as long as you are in a relationship with another woman." Neither sound right to me. I think I'm missing something here.