Summer 2009

[Between Tears]

WCW,

Don't know if it was appropriate, but I giggled when I read your post. Yes, slow and stead does win the race... I guess I've been going backwards, or sideways, or something!

I also received some methylpred to help reduce my joint and muscle inflamation, and this morning I can feel it working. I feel better, something is finally working.

[Andabelle]

Your S sleeps on the floor?! Lordy, he sounds like a house slave.

Glad you are feeling better.

[Between Tears]

Yes, my S sleeps on the floor. There is a futon in the "boys" room, J's S14 sleeps on the futon. In the girls room there is one bed, and an air mattress the girls sleep on.

Yes, thank you, I am feeling better. Even found some sleep today. Yesterday, I blew out the head gasket in my car on the way back from the vets. I had Suzi Q, one of the dogs who had been dumped somewhere near me, spayed. She's a tiny thing (for me) just 25 pounds, and I think she is nearing 6 months old. The smallest male dog I have here is nearly 90 pounds, it wasn't a good set up.

If it's not one thing, it's another. The car was fixed for me while I slept... the thing now, is how am I going to pay for it, and still have enough money to buy an airconditioner for the upstairs for when the kids come back into town for the July 22 Hearing?

God will provide.... one way or another.

[job]

I'm glad you found some time to sleep. You need to be taking care of yourself.

I'm sorry to hear of the sleeping arrangements for your children. You would think that her children would be the ones sleeping on the floor and not yours. That arrangement never ceases to amaze me. I do hope that they come home soon and can manage to get away from them for a period of time.

I'm sorry to hear about your car. Hopefully everything wil fall into place for you very soon.

Please take care of yourself.

[Between Tears]

Hi Snodderly,

So good to see you post. Check back on July 7, (Thursday) because you'll see I've been back to the doctors AND have also checked back into to counseling, which so far the counselor tends to think I'm doing okay, however, feeling overwhelmed.

I think the sleeping arrangements will help me in court, since J's kids will still be in their home when we go to hearing. I think we are going to push the fact the children are old enough to make the decisions on their own, in four months S will be old enough to vote and also join the military, why shouldn't he be old enough now to choose which parent and where he wants to live now. D is mature enough to protect and save others (CPR, Lifeguard, etc) and worked during the summer (what is considered full time) she's National Honor Society, she too should be old enough to make the decision where she wants to live too.

Dick has begun his pre-hearing buy off, S now owns 2 new pairs of shoes, a couple of hoodies, new jeans, and an IPod touch, I haven't heard what D has been awarded, however, there is talk of a new car for her, along with looking at a truck for S. S says I've been here for 3 months and it seems funny it's all coming now... his way of telling me he sees what is going on.

All we can do now is pray.....

[job]

Yep, it is buy off time....time to bring out the "wee" guns and bribe the children into stating he's such a great guy. It just might back fire this time.

I did see your July 7th posting....just hope that you are okay. I do think someone, preferably the judge, will listen to what your children have to say and award them them the right as to where they want to live. They are both old enough to state their claims.

As for Dick...what an @ss!

[Between Tears]

Oh Snodderly,

Wouldn't that be nice if it would backfire on him this time.... for that matter it would be nice if just once something would backfire on him.... but it won't.

The good news, my car runs as if it's new again. Apparently the gasket has been going for some time. I even have air-conditioning in my car again, which is great in these 100 degree days!

I really do need to focus more on the good things in my life... as how my car was fixed. I dropped off my car at the shop in the morning, was given a ride home, went to bed, woke up and there my car sat waiting for me, all fixed, in my driveway, and I haven't seen bill yet.... although you can count on me stopping off on monday morning to see what I owe. I really do have a good life, and things do come back around.

My children are aware of who their Father is, I didn't have to tell them a thing. They know how to struggle through the difficult spots while looking for signs of things to improve... they have learned how to hold on to hope, even when it's running too thin to grasp.

It would be great if the Judge could open his eyes/mind/heart to what the children have to say.... but if not, I'm ready to go to California and fight for their right to choose the home they want to live.

Dick emailed me to say the children have more family there in Cali, than they do here. I chuckled then allowed my temper reply to his email...

I replied "At least I don't have to force my children to be with me, they don't have to be held hostage in order to live with me. Home is not a prison, it's a place where a person chooses to live, a family is where you call home.... If you could handle the truth, you'd allow them their right to choose their home."

Although I know it fell on deaf ears, I felt better because I allowed myself to express my thoughts they way I felt them.

BTW, Dick has now put Grandpa in an adult day care, starting on Monday, so S doesn't have to care for his grandfather day in and day out. Rather good timing, don't you think?

Well, off to the shower, it's time to get my work day started.

Have a great week!

And yes, Dick is the King of all @sses!

[BeingMe]

So glad you are feeling better and your transportation is sorted out. Awesome!

You know you spoke the truth in your email. I am sure he is blind to that. I feel as if Dick only wants power over those in his sphere of control. What he doesn't realise is, that this 'power' will run out. He cannot control everyone forever, and one day he will lose the very people he wants to keep the most. His choice, his foolishness. He will no doubt even lose the new wife eventually. ("No passion so effectually robs the mind of all its powers of acting and reasoning as fear." Edmund Burke (1729 - 1797)) I would guess your XH is a fearful man under his bluster and that if he doesn't keep everything in check and control and going his way, his whole universe will fall apart. How sad.

You may have to move to CA to overcome this bump, although having family there has never been a factor in his life before, has it? (Until he needed your S to take care of one of them.) Your being in CA may be when his house of cards will come tumbling down. New judge you see --- one he can't control.

In the meantime, here are some quotes that I hope will give you courage and forbearance:

"When you meet your antagonist, do everything in a mild and agreeable manner. Let your courage be as keen, but at the same time as polished, as your sword." Richard Brinsley Sheridan (1751 - 1816)

"I wanted you to see what real courage is, instead of getting the idea that courage is a man with a gun in his hand. It's when you know you're licked before you begin but you begin anyway and you see it through no matter what." Harper Lee (1926 - ), To Kill a Mockingbird, 1960

"Courage is being scared to death - but saddling up anyway." John Wayne (1907 - 1979)

[Between Tears]

Being Me,

Thank you! Courage, yes, I'm needing a lot of it right now. I'm waiting on a phone call from my attorney to see IF I get some visitation with my children when they come in for the Hearing next Wednesday. IF? If I have visitation?

I haven't seen, hugged, touched, or been with my children since May 8th, and they are talking IF.

My children have been my life since the moment I saw them, well, actually, my S was born first, but you know what I mean. They gave me the reason for my life... the reason I reach to do the best I can and to learn to do better. For Dick, they are just pawns... for me, they are my miracles, my personal gift from God.

Can someone tell me why this is happening this way, can someone make sense of this for me?

[BeingMe]

Who can say why things happen the way they do? Sometimes, there are lessons to be learned, but I think that if we continue to do what we think is right, living in truth, then when we look back we will find that things worked out the way they should. I have asked myself this question so many times and have decided that our lives are sequence of choices and events that follow those choices. We can no more see the future of those events, than understand the lesson learned until much time has gone by. All we have is today and to live it the best we can. Hope I make sense here --- yikes.

Today, you know that in this world are two precious beings that you love. Whether they are in your presence or not, they are loved most dearly. Your heart and spirit goes out to them and encompasses them. Go about your day knowing this fact and the joy it brings you. Tomorrow, is still to be determined, but that mother's love is eternal, so you can live with that knowledge and certainty will still be there into the future, until time is no more.

Take care.