I think her dragging in your past behavior is tricky and she can manipulate that indefinitely.
She had her recourse by leaving, now you need to make sure that what you do currently is respectful and in the best interest of the kids and not cow tow. I think it can set a precedent to get on board with the notion that you need to make it up to her with regards to the kids. It is mixing apples and oranges and I feel it in my sitch too. The kids are a separate issue from her feelings about your M.
We all struggle with the "flexibility" issue in relation to the kids. I might try to neutralize by relating to how difficult it is to figure out what is fair and how much flexibility is workable. Some people stick to a a schedule no matter what, some speak almost daily to make plans...it is really a struggle for everyone.
All of that said, Gucci is a pretty tough dude and if he thinks the approach he suggested is appropriate, I would definitely take notice. And, hopefully he can extrapolate on his position. Seriously, he usually takes a very hard line and I believe that he is very methodical. I look forward to his further input.
