one other thing watch the finances they spend and spend as if no tomorrow watch the bank accounts seperate credit cards they also rack up tons of debt if you see a lawyer, you can get advised and you dont ever have to file or tell your H you sought legal advice get as much info as possible so you are prepared and protect yourself and your assets peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
Unfortunately, that is very true. H never went for our accounts but he went for the plastic. He was truly Big Man on Campus when he was out paying for the tab....which meant WE paid for the tab. I sat him down and told him no more. I said "I understand your generous nature, I love that about you, but right now, we just can't afford to do this." He was cool and stopped.
What can I do? He says he wants to finalize divorce as soon as possible (although he hasn't filed yet). Should I just go along with everything he says? How do I handle the property division? ((I'm in Scandinavia, couples own 50% of each other's "marital property" unless otherwise stated...
(PS I have read Michele's books(Busting and Remedy) and am trying to implement what I've read there).
((((Ella))))
That's a hug for you.
I can empathize with much of what you have written. My wife has been in MLC for about 3 years, and we've been separated for about 28 months. We went to a marriage counselor for a few months, but she was only attending so that she could ease me into the separation and then into mediation.
I agreed to go to mediation, and I managed to stretch the process out for 10 months. We separated our finances and I purchased her half of the condo and car, almost a year ago. I haven't seen any signs that she is moving closer to reconciling, but she still has not filed for divorce either. My following Divorce Busting principles has, at the very least, kept the chances of reconciliation as high as possible. Things are amicable, and communications are respectful on both our parts.
Are you in Scandinavia or in Minnesota?
It is good that you have read both DB and DR. Keep looking them over and reading through this great Board. I began cutting and pasting all helpful posts and inspirational stories and ideas into text documents that I printed out and put into a binder. It is now about two inches thick!
I lost a lot of weight early on, after discovering her affair, and I was already slim, so that was not good for me. I just didn't feel like eating. But looking back over two years ago, I started feeling better when I made a commitment to taking better care of myself.
It is so important to get out and exercise. The endorphins your body will produce from exercising even just 3 times a week are like natural antidepressants, and you will sleep better at night.
To avoid losing too much weight, eat lots of healthy snacks, protein bars, fruit, or smoothies/shakes during your days.
Meditation is very helpful to practice because you begin to learn how to recognize negative thinking and you can choose to change your thought patterns. I had to work hard at letting go of thoughts about my W and OM.
I have been volunteering at a nursing home and doing hospice voluteer work in the past year, and I have found that helping others who are in need is a great way to feel better about my life situation.
I don't post very much on this site due to my busy GAL activities. It is good to visit this site often early on as you are getting advice, but get outside and feel the textures of summer under your bare feet.
Best wishes,
LG
Me 46 WAW 45 M 21 yrs
WAW: "I need to be alone" 12/06 W moves out 3/07 Mediation finalized 08/08
You are on the MLC diet, which is very popular on this site, although it is acknowledged to to be very unhealthy. I myself went from my pretty stable weight of 134 pounds all the way down to 112 pounds, in just six weeks or so, and I stayed under 120 for about a year (by now I'm back to almost the weight I was before the bomb, and am working to lose some of it again, but in a more healthy fashion this time). Almost overnight I developed raging cases of both bulimia and anorexia (the bulimia has been a minor issue off and on for years, but the anorexia was brand new). I simply was too upset to eat, although I was physically hungry sometimes. I basically quit sleeping for two weeks after the bomb, which didn't help. I went from size 6/8 to size 2, and none of my clothes fit. And my H (who was always pretty observant) never admitted to noticing, although many other people did, and several told me I was becoming almost emaciated. So...keep in mind, you are not alone.
Welcome to MLC. It's not a fun place to be, but at least you have a lot of good people here to keep you company. Strap yourself in, because it is going to be a longer ride, with bigger hills and valleys, than you can possibly imagine. Read everything you can here in the way of resources, and follow the suggested courses of action; it really does help! Your H sounds fairly typical of MLC to me, so I suggest that you read whatever you can about that too.
Take care of yourself!
Peace and blessings, Dawn
Me 45/H 47, no kids Together since 1985; M/1992 Bomb1 (EA-OW1, age 22) 2001 Bomb2 (EA/PA-OW2, age 22) 10/2007, A continues H left 11/24/08 minimal contact, no legal action http://tinyurl.com/DawnHope1
yes the MLC diet I too lost so much weight I have gained it all back now though so try your best to eat. and it takes a while to gain it back ---even when you start eating again but kniow that this is common among most LBS peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
I do want to say that I believe that with the MLC diet, the key is to use it as an opportunity to change. That is, as you become more comfortable with eating again, make healthier food choices than you did before the bomb. This will change your life and your body, no question about it. I think a lot of us regain the weight that was lost during the MLC diet because we go right back to unhealthy eating. The MLC diet is a bend in the road...make sure that as you travel forward from that bend, you take the fork (no pun intended!) that leads you to a better place!
Peace, Dawn
Me 45/H 47, no kids Together since 1985; M/1992 Bomb1 (EA-OW1, age 22) 2001 Bomb2 (EA/PA-OW2, age 22) 10/2007, A continues H left 11/24/08 minimal contact, no legal action http://tinyurl.com/DawnHope1
My husband is very strange. Crying one minute and asking where I am with "us." Hmm...I'm careful not to give any definite answer; I just tell him I hope each day we take another step forward. He's having an affair with the VP of his company and so I am worried about the financial affairs and so are other people within his business. He's really doing so much damage now and I can do nothing but sit back and watch him implode. I wish I knew if his MLC came on quickly, it sure seems like it. I'm hoping he will have some answers by spring, but I probably shouldn't count on anything.
Golfgirl, sorry you find yourself in this situation, but glad you found the forums. Have you read DB or DR yet? If not, then RUN, do not walk, to your local library or bookstore and get DR and start reading.
I strongly recommend that you start your own thread so that you can talk all you want about your own situation and have people post to you directly. And you can add those stats to your signature file and they will appear automatically with all of your posts. Hope that helps!
Peace, Dawn
P.S. Hi, Ella, not trying to ignore you!
Me 45/H 47, no kids Together since 1985; M/1992 Bomb1 (EA-OW1, age 22) 2001 Bomb2 (EA/PA-OW2, age 22) 10/2007, A continues H left 11/24/08 minimal contact, no legal action http://tinyurl.com/DawnHope1
