I just received a remarkably concise email from H. This means he a) "got it" and b) is grumpy about it.

I wrote the following which I will NOT send because the truth is, I have the upper hand even if it doesn't feel like it and I want to stop making things so verbose and complicated. But here is what I would have sent if I felt it was worth the effort. If he is a jerk when I drop off the kids, I might revisit it.

It seems you are aggravated and annoyed that I want some space and need time to heal. Your behavior has been hurtful and devastating to me our children, and much of our extended family. You've gone so far as to numerous times compare me to your knew love interest and belittle me. And then you blame me for your emotionally abusive behavior which by the way is pretty consistent with how you've treated me for a long time. I realize that I hurt you too but this all reminds me of what the dynamic has been for so long.

When you mentioned being "even" yesterday, I realized how heartless you have become and how dangerous this situation is and sad that the kids are in the middle. 50/50 responsibility would have meant that we were "even" when you left. The fact that you are still looking for payback is a testament to your guilt and how difficult it is to rationalize your behavior (even with all of the swell of support you seem to have found)...you have to go back to the well to find a way to blame me and I suspect you may do that forever.

But, the victims of that are not just us and our emotional well beings but our kids as well. They've been living in that paradigm of blame for so long. Now that you have what you want and you are loved in the "right" way, there should be no reason to blame me or seek revenge.

You have expressed that in your heart you know this is right and you are fulfilling your destiny so there should be nothing but clarity and a newfound ability to empathize and treat me with gratitude and respect. Giving me space and time to heal and respecting boundaries would be part and parcel to exhibiting your goodwill. That would also preclude you from making veiled threats and having a nasty attitude.



Last edited by aliveandkicking; 07/12/09 04:10 PM.