What makes you think I'm "cowering"... To me this is good intel; I can't believe she tipped her hands like this.
Now, I know exactly what I'm dealing with. My point in posting was not because I fear her or her tactics, but because she hasn't a clue as to how it is really going to go down...
But, thanks for caring...
-AlexEN
New: What a Weekend
H-48 WAW-49 M-22 S-14,9 D-11 EA disc.-11/07 PA disc.-3/08 EA2?-6/08 to ?
Can we not start another p*ssing contest, please? _________________
So. Continues the life of the "good catch" (AKA Trying Hard Not To Pity Him) divorcing middle-aged father of 2.
Today, after breakfast with extended family and a teary Granmaw, Themselves and I did some GAL activities, things I ordinarily - and had WAW been a part of the day certainly - would not have selected, and we had fun.
This afternoon / evening we went to a birthday party for a G6 whose family used to be neighbors in Coastal State but who last year moved to Swank Suburb of Big Midwestern City. And it was a great event for the kids, who were happy to see their friends. For the first hour or so I met and chatted, but out of the corner of my eye could see Hostess - who dearly loves my kids - talking to all the moms at the party. And in whose direction do you think those heads turned?
Yep.
In the second hour, lo and behold I was "oh, SP, there's someone you have to meet"ed to a perfectly lovely woman who Just Happened To Be Divorced! Wel, whaddayaknow? Whodathunkit? And as the evening wore on Hostess was telling me about All The Names in her cardodex and how she's dedicating herself to finding me someone and then HER mother - long ago divorced - shared with me her advice not to wait "too long" before moving on, because she'd done so and the only person she hurt was herself and then her NEIGHBOR shared with me the TOP SECRET wisdom that I shouldnt bad-mouth WAW to the kids because HIS mother had done that with HIS father and then OTHER neighbor introduced herself and said that HER sister was just divorced and would be perfect for me and when should she tell her I'm going to call and........
"Hurree Hurree Hurree! Step right up, folks! Plenty of room at the front of the tent - not now, boy, you're bothering me. Step right up and see the Divorced Man! Direct from Darkest Gloom, he breathes! He talks! He copes! Yes, step right up! The line forms on the left!"
Apparently we're quite the curiosity, we WAWs.
One thing that has been beneficial, however, has been for me to see real moms in action. I've always tried to give WAW the maximum benefit of the doubt, but her mothering is junior-varsity compared to the moms I've been observing. And make no mistake, it pains me to say that. But I have to call it like I see it. That's food for thougt for me.
And I got a good book recommendation for @aliveandkicking from the woman to whose house I was presumably supposed to slip away for a quickie, because in her sitch she was married to someone who sounds an awful lot like Monsoor, but it will have to wait because I'm barely able to get this out.
You control how folks approach you, pure and simple.
"Thanks but no thanks." "I am not ready. Thanks for the compliment, though." "My focus is on my kids now. Is that a bat in your hair?"
And it is a raw hurt to feel like you're in a fishbowl and an object of pity.
Guess what. Your attitude determines how folks approach you.
I have to think that single men, good men, are in short supply and fresh meat, so to say. And you have nothing against women but you'd rather choose your interactions.
As a child a big ole Mac truck smacked right into the car door where I was sitting resulting in a six week hospital stay being forced in a prone position and a month in a full body cast (looking oddly like a dog bone). The process of learning to walk again was ungainly and painful especially since I'd always been athletic. People looked at me in pity or looked away. But the folks I appreciated most were the ones who made the effort to approach me.
I had not asked or wanted an impact that shattered glass cutting my face and getting embedded in my head, breaking a femur and clavicle, being hit so hard that I was unconscious as they had to dismantle the car to extract me. It was what it was. To make matters worse (in my child sized brain) a younger boy in my room had had the same injuries, only worse, and his mother had died in the crash, something his family kept from him until the night before he was discharged while curing in his full body cast.
Your attitude directs how folks approach you, what they say. People always seek and respond to direction. And, what other people say about you is none of your business.
With that said, my heart goes out to you for the uncomfortable situation your found yourself in. It's a step by step process finding your way.
Divorce begins in the mind. A marriage works because as a team each individuals' strengths and weakness balance out. Your wife didn't have to develop those 'mom' skills because you took the yeoman's share... but she made big bucks which provided a greater ease of living for the family. Being forced to be a single parent changes the perspective.
Well.. I ramble, my friend, with my perceptions. You can do whatever you want. You are where you are for a reason. And like an egg cracking you can choose to be scrambled, fried, poached or a chick (baby cock?) emerging.
Gypsy, thats right, and I did nothing but manifest PMA. Still, I find it curious that people are so intrigued by something so common. Perhaps they're secretly thinking, "There but for..."
5-month anniversary of the Bomb. I think my next phase will be to go as dark as possible, given joint custody. Charcoal, perhaps, or navy.
Did you respond to the BIL? I missed it if you did.
Also, did you ever talk to an L and get your mind together on exactly what you ARE going to ask for in spousal support? The sooner you just decide on this, the sooner you can proceed and then not have any further questions about what you are going to ask for.
As for all the wimmins sniffing around and suggesting you meet their friends/sisters/etc, or offering themselves up for your services...
I hope you can just stand back and smile at this point, be flattered, but just focus on the kids and stay as grounded as possible. Rolls in the hay come easy, hopefully you know that by now. But is anything easy really worth it? Just know if you "go there", it will not be worth the very little effort it takes. There are so many many lonely women in the world (men too, but women tend to wear it on their sleeve more). You will be a hot dating commodity at some point in the near future, when you are really healed and moved on. When your WAW doesn't drive you crazy any more, when lies she tells has no effect on you, when particular songs don't make you hurt inside, then you will be ready.
I know you have been through hell in these 5 months but you are going to come out better for it in the end.
I liked what you said about how you are now seeing other moms in action and realizing (or admitting to yourself) that your W was not exactly mom of the year. This is a very good - albeit painful - thing for you to face. I had to face the same thing when I left my H. I had always considered him a really good dad. When I left, I had to see that I was wrong in that, had to see where I had just been covering up his tracks. It hurt like hell, as his fathering was the one thing I felt he added to our marriage with no questions. Turned out, I just didn't want to see the truth. Both kids have since told me many things I didn't know, things I should have realized but as I said, I kept covering his tracks for him so the truth would not be seen. But once I really faced it, accepted it, and understood that he actually wasn't that great of a father...it really helped me move on and stop having fears and doubts about my new course in life.
On another message board I had tried to share my story and was immediately b*tch-slapped for having affairs and there was zero sympathy. I was told no matter what the marriage problems were, everything was my fault because of the A's. Nothing my H did was relevant to my story. OK I guess I could understand this, but when a few details came about from me about how my H had abandoned our son after our separation, and suddenly then it was "well that was because of your A's". OH! So...my actions were all my fault, and his actions were also all my fault. What?! Erm...yeah. That made sense.
Anyway sorry to ramble, just sharing.
I hope everything otherwise in your life is going well. Stay healty, stay grounded, keep focused on the kids, keep looking toward a better future for you all.
That is actually one of the issues I have with my W. She does swear a lot, and in front of the kids (particularly while driving), and I think it is getting worse.
Me 42, W 39, S8, S6, S2 M 11y, A & ILYBNILWY 11/08 Walking away from a bad situation.
That is actually one of the issues I have with my W. She does swear a lot, and in front of the kids (particularly while driving), and I think it is getting worse.
The swearing is most likely a rebellion for Mrs. Think - just guessing. I did it, too, and I KNOW mine was full blown rebellion.
Me45 H46 T25 M22 S21 & 19 D13 Separated and filed 8/08 Moved home 11/08
and I KNOW mine was full blown rebellion.