it's not a warped perspective either, women test men, it's a requirement, women are hardwired to do it, they have to do it continually to make sure that the mate they are with is strong enough to protect them. It's an instinct that has existed since man first learned to walk upright. Just because its 2009 AD and not 10000 BC doesn't mean those instincts have been phased out & changed. Men are still men, women are still women - that's how attraction works between the two and when you learn what creates attraction you will also learn what kills it and what you may have done to kill it for her to treat you so badly and so disrespectfully. She has stepped over every boundary with you and you allowed her all in the name of love and she slowly but surely disrespected you more & more because of it until she hit her tipping point where inside of her something told her to leave her mate and start searching for someone else more attractive, more masculine, stronger and able to provide her with the kind of security that she needed from you. When she realized that she was stronger than you at a certain point in the relationship that was her cue to start searching for another mate, someone stronger & more attractive than you (and more attractive meaning exhibiting more masculine traits, not necessarily better looking).
Some people may think I'm full of $hit on this, but I'm telling you that there is so much more to this issue than people are willing to concede. There is a science to this.
For the time being you need to stand strong and weather her attacks on you. You need to set boundaries, ie. when she starts talking poorly to you, tell her in a firm voice "that's enough, you will talk to me respectfully or you will go away until you learn to do so!" and then you would leave the room or area and come back when you want. She talks poorly to you again, you repeat this all over again with what was just mentioned above and leaving. You do this a few times for both you & her: you setup a pattern of behavior that you will learn to employ when she acts poorly & disrepectfully to you, it shows that you respect yourself and won't allow anyone to treat you like crap, you are establishing boundaries that people including your wife will learn to respect and she will learn after a while that you won't tolerate her disrespectful behavior and any crap that comes out of her mouth.
It may not seem like it works in the beginning and may take several times to get the desired response you want from her but you will in effect be "training" her to talk to you properly by setting these boundaries. No, obviously she isn't a pet but we train people in our lives to treat us the way they do, if you have a best friend, he probably doesn't treat you like crap & vice versa because you've trained each other to respect each other, the same goes for your wife. Love or NO LOVE, there must always be respect and when she says something really poorly to you, you add on something to the end of what I mentioned above like "and if you ever want to speak to me again, you will APOLOGIZE for disrespectful behavior or you will not talk to me at all and it will be YOUR loss not mine."
And then just walk away.
It works, you want stuff that works, I'm giving you stuff that works, start using it and use it often and then tell me the response you get from her and don't stop doing it, you will see positive results, I wouldn't waste my time typing here if I didn't know that this worked.
It worked for me and the disrespectful behaviors my wife showed towards me and she was originally someone I let cross over every boundary and treat me poorly & disrespectfully now she knows I won't tolerate it and when she does have an outburst I don't even have to tell her to apologize - when I leave the area or stop talking to her altogether, I get a phone call within a few hours to my cell (because I left the area, I have a life and other things to do that occupy my time, my life isn't spent chasing her) and on the other end it's my wife saying "I'm sorry about earlier, I didn't mean to act like that and it wasn't nice of me to be like that".
If you want her to start treating you with respect, you need to start respecting yourself, until you do that, you won't be able to get any changes out of her.
