Going straight forward...antlers 5th thread.

[antlers]

...but she has a problem that I'm not working on the days that I have them, and she is working on most of the days that she has them...

I can see her side of this as legitimate. How would YOU feel if this arrangement were reversed?

SAYING you want to be flexible and then coming across like you are doing to her doesn't look to flexible to me.

We each have the kids every 7 out of 14 days just like we
agreed...50/50.

That statement isn't a "flexible" sounding statement in the least. It is a statement that sounds "business like" it sounds as if you are following the agreement to a T... It sounds like you are not budging from the agreement.

That is NOT what being "flexible" means. Trying to be flexible and then being inflexible because you want your "50-50" is just going to sound more of the same to her. (which looks to be true according to her replies to you)

Maybe being "flexible" (if you truly mean it)would be that she gets them 70-30 for a time being. HUH? or 60-40 in HER favor for awhile. OR does flexible not go that far?

You will be flexible when SHE views you as flexible and not when others on here are telling you that you are.

It is HER view that matters. She isn't viewing you as flexible according to her responses to you. I would not underestimate her statements regarding these issues.

I can't help it that I work 3 12 hour days a week, and she works 5 days a week. Each of us has the kids every 7 out of 14 days, and each of us has them every other weekend. If the arrangement were reversed, I would feel that this was a consequence of the decision that I made to break the family apart and leave. This is a consequence of the decision that she made.

How am I coming across as inflexible gucci! I'm trying to point out that she has them just as many days as I do! And anytime that she wants to make changes to our schedule, I'm OK with that!

How is that statement not flexible sounding gucci, especially when taken in the context in which I meant it...that she has them just as much as I do? She makes out like I have them more, and I don't! It's not business-like...it's just a fact! I'm happy to 'budge' whenever she needs to, as I have mentioned and shown many times in past posts.

I know what flexible is, and have not been inflexible at all since this separation took place! Show me, please, where I've been inflexible? Mentioning 50/50 is only to show her that she has them just as much as I do!

If she wants them 70/30 for a time, or 60/40, or whatever...I'm OK with that. And I've never said or acted otherwise! Flexible goes as far as is reasonable.

I am flexible...period, and she's gonna see me the way she chooses to see me...regardless of the reality of the situation! She's hurt, and she's pissed! Again, she has reason to be...even after all this time, because of the way I treated her in the past. Anger protects you from being vulnerable. She says things based on how she wants/needs them to be...as opposed to how they actually are.

Her view does matter to me, but she is viewing me as she chooses to...for her own reasons, and this view is not realistic. I don't underestimate anything she says, regardless of how hurtful or wrong it is.



ps - I'm trying to challenge her dysfunctional belief that people (me) never change. I'm trying to model this in a healthy way...I want to 'lead' when I have an opportunity. I'm trying to 'lead' our relationship into a better place than it's in now. I want to be slow, steady, confident, and consistent.

pss - could you folks give me some advice, or examples, on what type of response I could make to her last E-mail?