When he says things like "Getting even" you may need to toss him a reality ball. "Getting even h? How can I possibly compete with the damage you've inflicted? OH WAIT! I don't want to. I want the pain infliction to STOP especially with our children...how could you possibly think hurting them wins points for anyone? Let alone you, h? Is that a loving fatherly thing to want? What is this REALLY about? Your guilt? Fine, you go cope with that without lashing out at me thru the kids b/c they become the 'collateral damage' you don't want to think about..." "Lose the score card, and maybe we'll get thru this without totally screwing them up..."
Sorry A/K but THAT comment pushed a button in me. It is one thing to be supremely self absorbed, but his comment borders on evil and shows us all how dangerous rationalizing can be. We have to watch ourselves in that arena too. It's like a warning shot. If your h, not normally a bad guy, can become this shitty, well, it's scary. Should give us all pause about how we behave too.
Good night A/K. Hope we can have lunch sometime IRL and connect and just laugh it off SOMEDAY...oh, let me post something to you that was posted to a friend of mine and see if it helps you. From Was2Sad, a great guy btw.
To a woman upset by the idiot thing her MLC h had done, or not done...
Look at me and listen now. Do not use his name or his alias in the same sentence with the word happy. Not because you think he may or not be, but because the two are of no consequence to you.
Any time you spend wondering if he is having fun is time you should be spending thinking about the blessings you have. Time you could be using to make plans for enjoying your life with your kids. The fact that he will not be doing that has nothing to do with your priorities.
When you are thinking too much about him, stop and seek solitude. Concentrate and focus on you. Think what makes you special. Think what makes your kids wonderful. Put your goggles on and look in the mirror. I just threw that one in to see if you could with a straight face.
Really, we all have moments on the roller coaster we would just like to puke and get it all out. You know at the same time that this ride will not kill us, and when it is over we will wonder what all the fuss was about. Hard to see it that way right now. In time, it will come. Allow yourself to think of something else. Allow yourself to imagine the world is still round and the sun will come up tomorrow.
Imagine yourself very very happy. Don't focus on the details of how or when right now. Just see yourself being happy. What do you like to do by yourself when you are happy? What do you like to do with just the kids when you are happy? Why aren't you doing those things right now? What plans do you have for doing all that this week? These are the things you should fill your mind with. Anything else is meaningless in life. Anything else in life is a distraction, an illusion. Focus on the important stuff and smile.
Hope it helps you as much as it did her, and me. We'll talk soon xoxo J-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
