Hello Kittyfish & Sandi2!

[BigJohn]

I'm sure a therapist could have a "hay day" with that one! I don't know if the WAW is trying to get as far from her H in her thought process or what the heck goes on. Why on earth would a woman be the least bit attracted to that type of lowlife? Well.....I don't think it is "him" she's really attracted to. I know I keep going back to her fantasy.....but good grief.....I know she has to have a little intelligence for her to be "your" W.

Sandi,

I don't know either, it's just bizarre because besides being beautiful, my W is also a smart woman! In fact, keeping in mind the type of guy OM is, I'd like some feedback from you and others as to whether my W might be dealing with something beyond just an EA and/or MLC. Also, I want to share what happened at my weekly IC session this week.

As you may recall, at the end of March, my W discovered OM's intimate online involvement with another woman (who was the creation of my BIL) which resulted in an argument between my W and OM. My W was crushed by the discovery. During a cell phone call, OM ripped into my W verbally and attacked her for judging a single man's behavior (his) while she is cheating on me with him. OM then proceeded to post mocking comments about my W on his MySpace page which included ridiculing my W for sharing with him her feeling that they were destined to be together forever. My W momentarily came to her senses and told me then that it was over for good with OM... until two days later when BIL- driven by guilt- told my W what he had done... which led to a reconciliation between OM and my W again.

In April/May, my W and OM supposedly tried no contact on two occasions "so that she can make a decision with a clear head" however neither attempt lasted more that approximately 2-3 weeks with my W being the one re-initiating contact with OM. Also during that time, according to my W, the OM had repeatedly told her that he does NOT need her in his life- he is already perfectly happy without her. It is also apparent that OM has no intention of relocating to California to start a new life with my W.

In May, I discovered my W doing background checks on the internet on one of the single women OM has an ongoing internet R with. She is younger than my W and judging by her MySpace page definitely the kind of girl OM is really looking for. I asked my W about the background checking on this woman and she admitted being very jealous of her R with OM. I gathered from talking to my W that OM is not interested in dropping his R with this other woman- something my W is none to pleased about.

I can't recall what if anything else significant occurred in June between my W and OM. I am aware that at around the end of June/beginning of July, there apparently was a falling out between the two as W was moping around for 3-4 days. Later, W disclosed to me that OM had told her "I don't want you in my life" but that a couple days later he had agreed to keep in contact with my W after all.

Now to the this weeks IC session. As per my recent posts, my W and I are currently having financial problems due to my W's employment sitch. Given circumstances, talks regarding her employment sitch spilled over into R discussions. Unhappy about those backslides, I invited my W to my IC this week in an effort to have a discussion about employment/finances and avoid any entanglements with regards to our overall R sitch. The convo with my C started OK- we talked about my personal progress then my C asked my W how things were going with her at which point my W stated that she was still pursuing the EA with OM. We then starting discussing finances and my W's employment sitch and that's when my C started questioning the healthiness of my W and I continuing to live under the same roof. My C noted that I had made substantial personal progress and was putting forth tremendous effort in trying to work on our M while my W was doing nothing to work on some of her own issues (possible co-dependency issues). My W then starts telling my C how unpleasant it is to just be living under the same roof with me right now. The next thing I know, my C starts talking about how it might be beneficial for my W to be physically separated from me and go live on her own- something that can't be achieved right now due to finances but something that may be an option if she gets employed again.

At this point, my W starts to cry, states that she has nowhere to go, acknowledges that our current financial sitch doesn't make physical separation possible right now and that she is financially dependent upon me. While I recognize that my C was probably trying to light a fire under my W's a** to get on the ball and get a job, I wasn't happy she chose to bring up separation as a motivator for my W. I think my C- along with some of my friends aware of my sitch- believe that my W would benefit from moving out of the house- ALONE- with the kids and I staying at our home- in order to really "get it" about what she is doing to us and our family.

Towards the end of our meeting, the C suggested that I share some of my M books and possibly put my W in touch with other almost/former WAWs here on the boards. My W declined the offer and responded "I'm not there yet". After we left the C's office, my W asked what caused my (male) friend (mentioned on a prior post)to pull back and abandon his EA/PA with his OW. I told her it was a realization of all of what he had to lose along with the pain he was inflicting on his family, particularly with regards to his three daughters, all of whom became aware of his EA/PA. I asked my W if she was interested in speaking with my friend further about his experience- predictably the answer was "No".

Sandi, I too am beginning to wonder if my W is not necessarily attracted to the OM as much as she is to THE IDEAL that he represents as you may have suggested in a prior post- (despite the fact that she remains adamant that she will NOT give up the EA with OM.) That would kind of make sense as she has stated to both me and OM that it doesn't matter what happens, her/our M is over. Also, she has stated to me repeatedly that she has come to the conclusion that she doesn't think that what she and I want out of life can ever be the same... despite the fact that WE HAVEN'T EVEN HAD A CONVERSATION ON THE TOPIC- YET!

As always, any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.