It seems to be working.... sometimes #2

[sandycay]

Meow.. Tomato.. thanks for checking on me. I have not been posting or reading much lately as I needed to distance myself from some feelings here. I needed to see what my feelings where or if they were because I was feeling others pain that are still where I was last year.

Right now I sit in my mothers CCU room watching her struggle to live so my marital issues are on hold once again. I am here and he is there. Different states. I wonder if I as in my moms state semi-conscious unable to move and talk if my mind would be wondering if every time my H left he room I would have to be worried about his fideltiy..... it's very sad that it enters into most situations of thought... mabye it's a couple I see I think how lucky they don't have this crap between them or I wonder which one is secretly screwing the other one over. I am sad I am so jaded now. I have never been that way. He did it to me with his last screw up and honeslty guys I am thinking about asking him to leave for good. I don't think I can "get" over the deceptive nature he portrayed in his efforts to get closure. I think it's BS. It really has changed my whole view on being able to trust him and without that there's just nothing. I don't want to spend another second wasting my life waiting for me to build trust in him again. I feel he had a chance 3 in fact and he tossed it. I know I am not DB'ing to be with him, in fact I can't even really think of anything to chit chat with him about anyway.

It's gone .... I have lost all respect and maybe even love for my Husband.... there I said it. What I haven't lost is the desire for my kids to be raised in an intact family so I am wrestling with some major decisions that will forever change my childrens lives. I can't make this decision quickly. I have taken off my wedding rings because they feel false to me now. I am very sad he did what he did by recontacting her. He may have struck the final nail.