Hang in there Frank. This is yet another test and you will pass. Your life is like the movie characters we always discuss - how things got even blacker for them when they thought they already hit bottom. But in the end things work out.
Bankruptcy is not the end of the world. Glad you are seeing an expert. You still have lots of options so go slow. Even our famed automakers survived somehow.
Also good on the C stuff. Glad C saw the anger and reinforced that you ARE a good dad.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Hi all...thanks for the replies. I went to see the B atty this AM and as posted earlier...I am NOT a candidate for Chapter 7 but WOULD BE for 13 if needed. HOWEVER, he asked me if I wanted to 'piss off' the judge by doing away with his orders (staying an order to pay by filing for B).
No, obviously.
He told me that if the creditors begin knocking (which they haven't yet as I am making all the bills)....then they can sue for payment and act by placing liens on the home. He began to talk about urgently making a settlement...give her the house..work the $17K legal fees into it and get a credit on future payments etc by turning over my half of the equity. Once the house is transferred....should I not be able to make bills....we could do Chapter 13.
If...STBXW gets the house, she is responsible for paying the mortgage and all carrying charges. In my area, without other consideration, it costs between $75-100K a year to support our house. STBXW, as you know, works PT at $30K per year. I have no clue how she will pay for it unless there is a hidden sugar daddy/BF who will or ? her parents pay for it or move in. This would exhaust their retirement/pension.
To KerryK..she asked me some questions. I frequently ask the kids what they want to do or where they want to eat or what they want to eat....etc. Creates conflict between the two and she wants me to limit democracy. Also, she wants me to lower the boom on them ...not be afraid to discipline them....even in the face of the pain they've been suffering with D. I DO do this but she wants me to be consistent.
Anyway...the B atty asked me to have my L call him...that he will work with her to help set up some financial stuff (made me more comfortable)...recommends getting this done (although he said over and over that he does NOT do marital and wants no part of it....hey buddy, I hear ya, lol). Gave that number to my L today.
Feel more comfortable.
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
25..Kalni...Jeff....I actually am doing pretty well. I had a rough week with CPS but it's been quiet. My hearing for the bilateral O of P's and CPS recommendations are coming this Thurs.
The other day, my D6 had a rough time when she was cranky. She had a meltdown when I took her to SB's and Blockbuster. Kept my cool...told her that this was our only time together on the weekend...and that she doesn't want to miss daddy's hugging and cuddle time. She calmed down.
Yesterday, I got a 2 minute VM from her telling me how much she missed me and loves me.
Growth...as a parent. FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
I like the recommendation of urgently making a settlement by the B lawyer. As Larry the Cable Guy annoyingly says... Get'er Done!
And I too have done the thing of giving the kids choices of where to eat or what activity to do. It seems that S8 will pick one and D6 will pick the other, leading me to make the final vote, thus making one of them unhappy. I need to become more of the kind dictator type.
FIB, glad you are feeling a bit better. This is all new stuff for you, parenting through a divorce. You will learn and grow. In my eyes, as long as there is love, you cant go wrong.
You are kind of my hero. To be staying the course in the midst of this craziness...I just don't think I could do it.
If you're looking for an amazing resource for discipline, try Elaine Mazlish and Adele Faber's book _How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk_. They have a version for teachers which completely transformed my management, and I know a gazillion parents who love the parent version.
The cool thing about the book is it gives you a ton of strategies, is WAY easy to read, and even has cartoons to help you see how various strategies might work in action. Plus it's like 10.95 on Amazon, $12 in a bookstore. It's also really loving and compassionate and focuses on communication over trying to "control" kids.
No advice for you beyond that. You are good people, FIB!
SD
Last edited by SDFoundGirl; 07/14/0912:37 AM.
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
CPS stopped by last night at about 5PM to ask me to sign two release forms.....medical records and educational records. He stopped by while I was having a catch with my son.
He asked me if there was anything new? I told him that we started family counselling. He also told me that 'an anonymous phone call came in' ....telling CPS about foul conditions in the house with dogs, cats, fish tanks and unsanitary conditions.'
My GAWD....what a lie. Her parents probably called that in. We have a 13 year old sick rescued greyhound...a cat who is totally clean...and fish tanks that MY STBXW wanted in the house.
NO problem...he told me that all was 'unsupported'. In fact...I told him that SHE IS PART TIME.....whereas I added on increasing ER call to keep a roof over the children's head and about the $17K and how she is making it more difficult for me to support the kids (unless he is faking me out, he seemed very unhappy about that)...that if the dog has an accident in the house...she leaves it there all day until I come home because she refuses to clean up..and, that, the house was miraculously cleaned when she heard she was under investigation.
I think...I think...he sees and keeps hinting at me saying 'do you think anger management would work?'. I told him yes if it was possible..that even our new family C saw 'her anger' and was going to work with it. After a bit..he told me to go back and 'finish the catch with your son'.
Her family.....sucks...for doing that. They are feeding this and complicit.
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
