Getting Un"Stuck" - Giving My Burden to God

[MrBond]

25, you are sooo right! Miracles happen all the time. I just have to spend a few minutes with my Ds that I know it's true.

In terms of some situations seeming "hopeless". I don't think any situation is hopeless. You make the .

I was thinking the other day of all the things I had done to attract my W back to how we are today. I thought about the gifts, the pleading before and even the arguments. Then I thought about the time when we were first dating and I didn't care one way or the other if she were my GF or not. At that time I presented myself as an attractive package, but it was up to her whether or not she wanted to open it.

The detachment helps to see that. Like the title of my thread, once you really understand that there is nothing you can do to change your spouse's mind, then you do what you want to do. I choose not to date anyone because I don't want my Ds seeing dad going out with OW when mom is there too.

Right now my W knows everything I have to offer. It's up to her whether or not she wants it. Her choice isn't necessarily a "miracle" it is an opinion. She has to measure the pros and cons and if the pros are better than the cons, then she'll stay. The same thing with the LBS. Some get to the point where the cons start outweighing the pros and even when the WAS wants to come back, the LBS doesn't want them any more. It's the constant re-evaluation of the pros and cons that help us to determine whether we continue trying or not.

We are so used to putting our WAS above us, that we forget that they are only human. That's where the fear sets in and we are afraid to do things that make us happy too.

The ability to destroy is easy. The ability to create, that's the miracle.

Just my 2 cents.

[givingitmyall]

Outstanding post stuck.

You said a lot of things I am experiencing right now. Right down to the pros and cons being evaluated by BOTH partners. Detaching really helpedopen my eyes to a lot of things - some unpleasant - about my W.

[25yearsmlc]

well said, pros and cons. But the LBSer can project more confidence to help convince the WAS that the LBSer can offer more now, than before. Don't we all have to believe that something will be better or improved in the M to go on?

God knows I do. Anyhow, I take your point.

(( j ))

[MrBond]

Thanks givingitmyall. It is a constant learning process as I am learning. : )

25yearsmlc, you are right about the improving part and making things seem better than before. Unfortunately the WAS is so set on seeing things negatively that they see what they want to see.

In fact, my W has also said your changes are going to be good for the next person. It's the ideal of being "in love" which is the hardest hurdle to overcome.

[MrBond]

Okay, I've got a question.

Last night my W asked me if it would be okay for her to go to a brunch next week with her work friends. She was also in a very good mood. Best I've seen her in awhile in that we were engaging, joking, laughing, etc.

Is this normal for someone who is adamant about leaving? Just wondering.

Before I get the 2x4's for observing what she's doing, I'm just journaling this down. I'm still doing my own thing.

Just wondering.

[sandi2]

Is this normal for someone who is adamant about leaving? Just wondering.

You know Stuck, that is a hard one b/c as I've told so many men......we females are made up of hormones. All our life....from the day we are born to the day we die.......we are either pre-menstral, mid-menstral, or post-menstral. Our entire life is based around our cycle! I knew you would find that bit of information really news worthy! And, if you were one of those guys I've already told, then you can pass it on to any man who needs to be alerted of this fact.

If she is in a good mood, it could be as simple as hearing a compliment that held a lot of meaning for her, to just the inticipation of being with her friends, or something one of her kids said/did. However, if she is in an "out of the normal" great mood.....of course it makes you wonder what is going on, considering the track record! It's only human to wonder, but you are continuing doing what "you" need to do and that is what counts here. Try not to worry. Her moods may be up & down for a while. Just observe--and don't stick your head in the sand if you start getting suspicious.

Later,
Sandi

[25yearsmlc]

fwiw, 'it's probably not a bad sign...but who the heck know?

Don't overthink this. She asked, and that's a good thing...

soooo... Next!!

j-

[robx]

Okay, I've got a question.

Last night my W asked me if it would be okay for her to go to a brunch next week with her work friends. She was also in a very good mood. Best I've seen her in awhile in that we were engaging, joking, laughing, etc.

Is this normal for someone who is adamant about leaving? Just wondering.

Before I get the 2x4's for observing what she's doing, I'm just journaling this down. I'm still doing my own thing.

Just wondering.

Haven't checked on your thread in a while, so I'm reading your last post and your wife asked you if it would be ok if she went to a brunch or if her & you went to a brunch with her work friends?

If it was her & you I can understand her asking.

If it was just her, why is she asking you if it's ok?

[25yearsmlc]

Maybe b/c there are kids and their care involved and she's being courteous. I am not being sarcastic. I'd check w/ my h if I wanted to take a weekend day and go somewhere and thereby leave him alone with the kids- just in case he had to work or had something else planned that day.

I am assuming, (dangerous I know) that is why she asked. God, let's hope so.
j-

[MrBond]

robx,

She was asking if she (alone) could go. I'm sure it was like 25 suggested and that it was just to be courteous. It does kill me sometimes when we are getting along so well now that I wonder if she's stringing me along until someone else comes along.

She doesn't go out at all though. Ah whatever.

What do you think I should do to push it to the next level? Just wondering.