Sandi, I can see exactly how his interactions with the kids are helpful to him in pulling me in. There's the humour, 'play fighting' and teasing in jest as well as the more intimate times with our daughter curled up beside him. If the kids say something funny he'll look at me at grin.
The crazy thing is that I know he loves and cares for me. I agree wholeheartedly with what you say; he is battling that war between head and heart. Life is easier without me. Without me he doesn't have to face the demons within. He doesn't have to face the family and friends.
His words and outside actions tell the story that he is moving on and doesn't need me. He can be gruff and impatient. He is quick to find fault with me. He accepts my apologies but doen't offer too many of his own. However on the other side, he's still too involved, too helpful, too interested and too caring for someone who has been gone for 2 years! By now I think a truly separate person wouldn't keep in touch except via email to cover the essentials.
I just get so impatient. I am tired of sitting alone at night. I have loads of friends and I love my time with them but it's just not the same as sharing your day with someone special.
It appears that OW is 'on the outer' to some extent. Not trying to get my hopes up here but he seems to be at home or doing something with the kids a lot of the time when you would expect they might be together.
This Friday is our son's formal. Parents are invited to attend for drinks and photos for an hour. H is picking me up and driving us there. That's a step forward!
Sandi, I am certainly not tired of people telling me not to give up. I am strong and I will do it my way but my family and friends all told me to give up on him ages ago. In fact, most would be shocked to think I am db. They would think I am crazy!Sometimes I think I am crazy, too but when I see him I know I don't want life without him.
Btw, I did notice your signature. I remember thinking how appropriate it was for the forum but wondering at what time do you say I tried but I failed.
Thanks again for your insights. They are so powerful; affirming at times and always insightful.
