Trying to cope with H, IA/EA (was Newbie-1st post)

[Faith2010]

To me, detachment has to start with "attitude". A person can act "as if" all day long, but until the attitude is there, it is mostly a waste of energy. Attitude must go hand in hand with self-respect! The WAS can see it in the LBS. That is why it's hard to fake. That is why a person can't do it until they are in that frame of mind to be ready to detach.

LBS does not detach for one reason and one only......FEAR! They can say it isn't what Jesus would do, or their S will think they are doing exactly what they accused them, or whatever......but the bottom line is the LBS is scared to death, afraid of losing their S.

It is about self preservation (IMHO). Just like you leaving work and then packing your things and leaving your house to get away. Now listen, you said you knew you were hurting him. Yes, okay, so it hurt him......but your mind was telling you that you could not take anymore that day! Right? You had to fight to SAVE YOURSELF or you felt that your mind would snap and you would be lost forever. That is "nature's" way of survival. Our mind/body will naturally fight to survive. So, in a MR when you are being emotionally "murdered" by your WAS, your mind is trying to tell you to go into survival mode and protect yourself. Is that so hard to understand? Is it not normal to do? Once you step outside the fear zone.....I think you are able to do that. Fear paralyzes people mentally, emotionally & physically. That has been studied and researched in many subjects.

Much information is written on detaching. A lot of people do not see the difference in that and "dropping the rope". Don't make it complicated right now. Do what you need to do to survive and don't get bogged down in the "techniques".

Sandi - Good insight into detaching, especially regarding the attitude. You are 100% correct on the fear which I think is why I haven't started to detach. I have been scared to death to lose H. That is why it was so hard to leave on Friday. But, as you said, I did it because I knew I needed to in order to survive. I actually think it was a huge step for me. And perhaps it was the first step I needed to take to protect myself, to keep myself from falling into a bottomless pit.

I am going to focus on one thing at a time. I am feeling a little stronger this evening and will pray that I can remain strong.