I am never coming back !!!!!!!!

[25yearsmlc]

PS

Finished reading your thread. First off, as Snodderly says, your h is recreating and finishing old business from when he was YOUNG....yay!!

Except he is not young and he has 2 kids whom he once loved (and still does). And he is losing out on so much. He'll see OW's kids and for each "moment' in their lives, he'll know he is missing that same one with his own children and he'll resent OW for costing him so much. It'll take time. But it'll happen.

As for you being a lousy wife...um, let me see. SO, your h was only acting all those years he played with the kids and celebrated holidays and went on vacation with you? He was only pretending to be happy? It was all a lie? He was always miserable...and never felt truly himself...

Gee, he should win an OSCAR!! He missed his calling. Why is he in Georgia and not Hollywood?? Tell him quickly, "GO WEST b/c YOU ARE THE BEST ACTOR IN THE WORLD!"! All those years you only believed he was happy b/c he ACTED as if....please....give me a break.

But now, You must file for money. This is not good for your kids and won't they want to go to college? How will they do that when he helps OW refin her own home? I am wondering if you and the kids would be better off by having filed already. (I have 2 family members who div and remarried their exes years later so it does happen) and God knows in your h' sitch, he is quite capable of returning to an old flame, so to speak so I don't see why it would "END" everything to at least get an enforceble agreement in hand. Besides, look what not filing has cost you...is his stuff still there? If so, sell it and get the money and make him get any "excess..."refund.

You are not serving yourself or your children by allowing this insanity to continue. And you did contact him to give him a chance to explain (like if he had lost his job or something) and he didn't have the respect to even answer you.

BTW, I am not a fan of telling WAS's that you'll always be there. His answer was not an appreciative one and I did read your comment as meaning that no matter what he does, you'll take it and more...I know you didn't mean it that way, but that's how I read it and I don't think it comes across as attractive.

The phrase "Fake it til you make it' may need to be your new internal motto.
You don't believe it now but you must become a woman only a fool would leave . Which means being upbeat, GAL, feeling strong and having faith that no matter what your h does, you are going to be just fine. Make that a reality b/c as I said earlier, your kids will face heartbreak some day and you are modelling for them, how to handle it. Show them what a gracious woman with dignity does when faced with betrayal and setbacks. She does not pine or whine, she does not become bitter; she becomes better. She moves forward and graciously accepts what she cannot change, while taking charge of her own life, b/c no one else will or should.

He'll know you are diff, b/c he'll see one or both of the kids and he'll hear news of you or the kids, and he'll be able to tell when he talks to you. You are not the same woman and you are a better improved version.

Take care of the money and feel NO SHAME in that. You are doing what mammals do for their young and no less. (Shame on HIM for not doing so.) But you have to address this and not fear that you'll "lose him" if you take care of your offspring. This is their entitlement; not yours to give away to keep the peace, and not his to squander. Good luck, You really will be alright. But you do have to take charge of your life now. (and see my signature. Forgiveness isn't about his conduct being okay or telling him you forgive him. He doesn't even have to know. But It's about freeing you, and not letting him or his actions affect your day or feelings about life or what you eat or think or do or how your day or hour goes...it's about you letting go of all the pain and choosing happiness instead. Make sense?
Read Marianne Williamson on "Return to Love" if you need exercises on forgiveness. WIthout it, nothing else good can come.
(( hugs ))

J-