Well, just a short update. I'm preparing for move weekend. I'm picking the keys up on Friday and hopefully shifting some stuff over on Saturday so I can unpack the kitchen and bathroom. Then h and I will move the remaining bulk of it all on Sunday.
I know it is jsut a house etc. but my emotions are fluctuating at the moment and it is quite exhausting keeping myself in check. This morning I felt such anger at him I wrote out a massive long email and deleted it. Yesterday I felt such disappointment/ frustration at the unfairness of it all so I did the same. It helps.
Next week will be the start of a new chapter, I just have to get through the weekend. It will so sad to say goodbye to the house and the life I could have had, but I realise it was not to be. I know I should be looking forward to my new life etc etc and I am trying to be positive and realise how lucky I have been in finding a nice place to live etc but this is not what I have chosen so I am finding it hard to look forward to it.
I guess I have a lot of 'whys?' going round my head and know that I am not going to get any answers to them.
I have been putting off emailing h about the money and bills that we have to sort out because I was scared of being stone-walled again. Then I thought it needs to be sorted now. He can stone-wall me all he likes but it will just delay stuff - no skin off my nose - so I sent the email. I can't say I am having warm feelings about him at the moment and Sunday will be a challenge. It is hard to know whether to act 'as if' doing the stuff that I know works or be a complete b!tch which is what I feel like being. I know the answer, I haven't worked for so many months at this to throw it down the pan.
Moving is difficult enough but harder still when it wasn't something you asked for( kind of like being cheated on or divorced for that matter). I say think of making this yours, totally. If you like big squichy purple and pink things all over your living room...do it. This is all for you now.
Remember when you would fall and scrape your knee? It hurt and was bleeding and maybe you cried. But what happened as soon as you cleaned it, put medicine on it and a bandaid? Tons better right? A bit later you had pretty much forgotten it happened. I think this is our perception of things working here. You can do this Julia. Show him what a class act we all know you are.
hugs, kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Hey ((Julia)), I can understand how hurt & angry you must feel. Good that you are venting & getting it off your chest. I think we all hit a point where thinking about being a total b*tch, would feel good & relieve some of the anger. Been there myself. You have come such a long way, and have been doing so great, I think you know, what you should choose.
I'm guessing that you did get the cottage you looked at? It sounds so cozy & quaint!
Me39, XH45 Kids 3 dogs, 2 cats Divorced 6/4/09 Tricky thing is not how you live, but how you live with yourself. (POTC)
Kat and MsM, thank you I read your posts and saw some clarity. I will be the bigger person and indeed a class act how could I be anything else?
It has taken me a while to calm down though, i don't quite know where it came from. I am still annoyed but hopefully that will pass over the next few days. Dignity at all times!
Well, I think when one sees the tangible things/possession they are losing a different flood of emotions washes over. Reality, just hits you smack in the face & fear & anger can rush in. You've had a good deal of time adjusting to your M & H and those changes, but not had a lot of time adjusting to this move.
I can totally understand how your emotions can change so towards your H. This is not how you expected it would be. (Just like my sitch).
Remember be that cool girl!!!!
Me39, XH45 Kids 3 dogs, 2 cats Divorced 6/4/09 Tricky thing is not how you live, but how you live with yourself. (POTC)
Sigh, just taking a break from last minute packing. I picked up the keys to my new place yesterday and I think I am going to like it there. However Ms M, you are right that when you see you posessions packed up it causes a diferent flood of emotions. I guess I have kind of preserved this house as 'our' house. It is time to let go of that and it is sure bringing up emotions at the moment. I know it is the right thing and keeping this house is not going to bring h back, in fact probably the opposite, and I know I have to trust the process, but it is hard.
So, I have had my hair highlighted, my eyelashes tinted for extra 'batting' effect all ready for my garden party with the queen next week and my sisters wedding the weekend after so I'm not looking so bad. Seeing him tomorrow will be weird and him moving me will be weird. I will be that cool girl Ms M No emotional wreck here!
Sending every best wish for your move. May your new home bring you the blessings of health, love, happiness and the wonderful company of friends and family.
I'm sure your move has gone easily by now. I hope there wasn't too much weirdness with having H move you. Such excitement to be able to create an entirely new atmosphere to live your new life in!
Now....do tell about this garden party with the queen! What is that all about???? You know we American's are completely in awe of anything involving royalty!
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
