I am putting my kids to bed tonight and we are praying, things like giving Nathan strength for his karate testing tomorrow, keeping them safe through the night (both try to get in my bed way too much!), etc. Sydney wants to pray for Daddy to be safe. So I pray for Daddy to be safe on his work trip and to come home safely.
About that time Sydney crawls out of bed, climbs onto my lap, puts her head on my chest and says,
"I want daddy's jammies to be at our house and I want daddy to live at our house Mommy"
This 'jammies' comment reminds me that around 3 MONTHS ago, Dan was leaving after he put the kids to bed and Sydney asked me where he was going, something to that affect. I said he was sleeping at grandma and papa's and she said she wanted him to have his jammies at our house so he could sleep here.
Then she says it tonight, and I have to wonder if it has been on her mind this whole time? Like somehow if his 'jammies' were still here, he would be here? Oh, how do I heal my baby's little heart...
I went in the living room and then after thinking about it I cried like a baby for her and for Nathan because their dad is so selfish as to walk away from his family. And I know he sees them pretty frequently considering the situation, but not as frequently as he would if he hadn't walked away... And then I got really pissed for myself that their dad is so selfish as to walk away from his family...
Oh yeah and then I watched "Nights in Rodanthe". Good call, BBJ.
I take it that the movie pick caused the room to experience tear flooding conditions. Nearly sounds like a mega- "chick flick".
I have heard of it but it never went beyong that point. I am the furthest thing from a movie buff. Now my darling on the other hand should have been the one to replace that Siskel ..Saskel or whatever when he died long ago. She watches easily as many movies as those supposed pros. It's a tear duct tester huh..?
May your w/e be blessed. I got to go do the praying that was meant to be done last night. Be well. Next time I am on FB I will see your latest Disney shots.
Hey BBJ, I have not seen the Rodanthe movie but i have seen the "i wish you and x would be together" a couple of times. like you, it gets me each time. I would not say it pisses me off but I am diappointed at my x's selfishness as well. However, the damage is done and that is the past. I think the best we can do is damage control. I try to talk it out with my daughter....somehow. Thankfully, I have not had a recent reoccurence, which does not neccesarily mean she does not think about it. It is very tough.....I sometimes wonder if the kids are as open with their feelings with our WASs? I am hopeful that if the kids see us happy that the other feelings will slowly dissipate. My XW comes from a broken marriage and I remember her telling me way back that she held on to the hope that her parents would get back together for a very long time. Hope you have a nice weekend BBJ.
Today was mostly great. Nathan passed his testing and is now a green belt in karate, and I moved from white to orange! Hooray! We went out for pasta to celebrate.
In other news Dan called at 8 this morning to wish Nathan luck. Then Nathan gave the phone to Sydney. Sydney took the phone and promptly said, "Daddy I want you to have your jammies here." Then she looked up at me all excited--"He said 'okay'!"
She told him bye and I took the phone. He was laughing and he said, "What was she saying? I couldn't understand her..."
I said, "Well, your daughter just asked you to move back home and you said 'ok'--good luck with that one." He got all flustered and nervous-sounding. He said he couldn't tell what she said, and I said he shouldn't have answered her, then. She was smiling all the way to karate. I do not believe I should have to straighten that out, he said it, not me. Grr.......
You are absolutely right BBJ, you are not responsible for straightening out Dan's screw up. He needs to sit down with Sydney and be very clear with her, in her language, what is and is not going to happen. She needs that honesty, now more than ever. He has really done it this time! I'm so sorry for your baby.
On the other hand, I'm eccstatic for Nathan and you!!! Such wonderful accomplishments for you both! Congrats!
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
I really want to call him back and chew his a$$ but I know I should not...
So Saturday morning he basically told Sydney he would move back, except for the fact that he didn't actually hear her question and just said, "Okay!" to what he thought was random 3-yr-old stuff.
I took Nathan to the toysrus to get a prize for his karate graduation. Sydney got a 99 cent toy microphone. She was singing and dancing with it last night and said, "I am going to sing to daddy when he comes back with his jammies"...
Then today she was at lunch with me and Nathan and suddenly started crying. I asked what was wrong and she said she missed her daddy....then Nathan said "Yeah, the other morning I woke up and daddy was gone to canada and I cried b/c he wasn't there"...well turns out Sydney actually burned her finger on a hot plate which was why she cried...but yet she must miss her dad too obviously.
Then finally this afternoon/evening she had her microphone out singing and I complimented her. She got all shy and turned and hid her head and said, "I'm not singing for you I am gonna sing for daddy all the days when he comes home"
Dan called tonight at 8 while we were driving, he had tried us at home and we were out. I haven't called him for almost a week now. I asked if he had a plan for straightening out Sydney and he got all antsy and said to call when we got home.
I didn't want to talk to him but I texted to ask 'what do you plan to say to her' because as her mom I think I should know the explanation he is giving and I know as a 3yr old she won't be able to tell me what he says to her... He didn't reply. Of course.
So I called from my bedroom while they were watching a movie on Disney channel (great, didn't realize it was Parent Trap!)...asked him why he hadn't replied. He got frazzled again and said he didn't know...I asked him his plan and he said "How can I explain something like that to her over the phone?" I said, so you don't plan to set her straight while you are gone? He said, "no". So I was irritated and I told him about her singing with her microphone and that she believes he is coming back.
And I told him that my mom told me today (we had a birthday party this afternoon) that when Sydney was there Thursday night taking a bath she was getting her pjs and told my mom, "My daddy doesn't have his jammies at my house. I want him to come home to my house." And then Nathan said he did too...
Of course he got frustrated-sounding and said any time the kids say those things, to just have them call him. I said "That is fine, I can do that every time. What exactly are you going to say when Nathan says he cries b/c he misses you, or Sydney says she wants you home? And why are you mad at ME about it?" He said he was not mad at me...
I know I promised myself I wouldn't speak to him anymore, but I said other than about the kids. And this is all about them.
I give the kids the phone and Nathan talks to Dan but Sydney is in her goofy mood and won't get on the phone. Fine.
Then I am getting them their books/pajamas ready while they are watching the movie (Parent Trap). I was going to turn it off but they were enjoying it. If anyone has not seen it, it is twins whose parents divorced when they were babies, and each parent took a baby and called it even--because THAT happens! The girls meet each other and plot to get their parents back together, but the dad is supposed to marry someone else...
I said something about how that was silly, Daddy and I would never split the two of you up we will always have both of you (in case that set off any worries for them). And Nathan said, "Yeah, and daddy would NEVER marry someone else, either."
Then the parents/exes were on a ship for dinner, arranged by the twins. Nathan said, "If you and dad get remarried with me and Sydney we would have fun going on a ship wouldn't we?"
Stuff like that makes me want to pummel Dan. I just don't get it. Our pastor has seen us together, he thinks our situation is fixable, but of course requires Dan's efforts and change along with mine. Nathan's counselor told us to get MC because she saw how 'connected' we were. Just a few weeks ago she said that when she talked to Dan without me it was apparent he was still attached to me even if he didn't live with me, etc. And obv. the kids would be thrilled if we got back together.
I do NOT want us to get back together for any of those reasons, that isn't my point. You can't stay together b/c the pastor, the counselor, and the kids want you to. It is just so frustrating because he knows exactly what it would take for us to be together and be happy and he refuses to attempt it.
So, due to his selfishness and stubborn pride, I get to deal with the fall out with my kids while he is half the continent away...
Once again, another late night. I just finished packing two rubbermaid tubs and a cardboard box. All of Dan's college books, farming books, cattle magazines, work supplies, and cassette tapes are officially in my trunk to be moved to storage tomorrow. Getting closer to clearing out the house of his stuff. Only a few boxes to go.
Ooops, you mean I shouldn't have been drinking my coffee while packing? Too late, now I will never fall asleep! You can have the rest of my pot, since I shouldn't drink it...
Too late, now I will never fall asleep! You can have the rest of my pot, since I shouldn't drink it...