Please don't feel that you ever owe the DB board an apology or worry about disappointing anyone here. This is your life, sweetheart, and your business. We are here to try to support and guide as best we can, but you sure don't owe any explanations for your actions in anything.
Since I was the WAS, I don't suppose I would be a good candidate for giving detaching advice, but I do anyway--(ha). To me, detachment has to start with "attitude". A person can act "as if" all day long, but until the attitude is there, it is mostly a waste of energy. Attitude must go hand in hand with self-respect! The WAS can see it in the LBS. That is why it's hard to fake. That is why a person can't do it until they are in that frame of mind to be ready to detach.
I do not see it as a selfish act, however, in the beginning of "most" threads, LBS tend to see it as being that. You would not belived some of the "excuses" that are used for not detaching. A LBS does not detach for one reason and one only......FEAR! They can say it isn't what Jesus would do, or their S will think they are doing exactly what they accused them, or whatever......but the bottom line is the LBS is scared to death, afraid of losing their S.
It is about self preservation (IMHO). Just like you leaving work and then packing your things and leaving your house to get away. Now listen, you said you knew you were hurting him. Yes, okay, so it hurt him......but your mind was telling you that you could not take anymore that day! Right? You had to fight to SAVE YOURSELF or you felt that your mind would snap and you would be lost forever. That is "nature's" way of survival. Our mind/body will naturally fight to survive. So, in a MR when you are being emotionally "murdered" by your WAS, your mind is trying to tell you to go into survival mode and protect yourself. Is that so hard to understand? Is it not normal to do? Once you step outside the fear zone.....I think you are able to do that. Fear paralyzes people mentally, emotionally & physically. That has been studied and researched in many subjects.
Much information is written on detaching. A lot of people do not see the difference in that and "dropping the rope". Don't make it complicated right now. Do what you need to do to survive and don't get bogged down in the "techniques".
Get an attitude and find your self-respect!
Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
