One at a time. No kids around for the move BUT They will be warned ahead of time so they don't think that you got robbed while they were playing. Do not let h make you out to be the bad guy in front of them but KNOW That (my child c said this so I'm passing it on to you) the kids MAY now and then lash out at you rather than h b/c they don't want to alienate him and make him come around less. So on one hand the good news is that you will have them most often but the bad news is that you won't get all their best behavior. He won't get their worst either, you will. But he will miss so much.
Yes, I've got this down. I spoke to H last night. Lucky for me, due to his mommy issues and guilt, he will pretty much do what I want so we arranged a pretty good plan. I am already dealing with the issues that come with separation; they pine for him and give him their best. I get it, they share the hardest moments with me.
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The anger is fine under one condition, that it NOT Consume you. I think that is what you fear, so when you say "he wins, b/c of the anger", you mean b/c you are giving him too much power over how you feel about yourself and your life. So don't give him so much of that power.
Yes and I realize that I desperately need space from him. So, today when he called I texted him do you "need" to talk to the boys? He answered yes. So I called and he wanted to ask some inane question and I was in the middle of a very nice time with the boys and it was BS that he needed to interrupt.
So, I just told him, I don't bother them when they are with him unless it is critical and he said I can call anytime and I said that I refrain even when it is hard because I want to respect their time with him and I do not want to be enmeshed and I have let them know they can call me whenever THEY want to. That is healthy to me even though it is very difficult as I have been used to being with them nearly every day of their lives.
I let him know that I need to not have to deal with him. I am hurt and disgusted and I have listened to him tear into me for months now and I'm done. I need him to leave me alone. He said "Ok, if that's how you want this, I can get ugly too." I said look, if every time I set a boundary to take care of myself and the kids, you threaten me this will be a nightmare for all of us. And he made some comment about my "negativity". That is the mindf*ck right there and I caught it. No, I intend to have a wonderful day, I just need you to leave me alone. I can guarantee he doesn't get it and probably never will.
I have spent all morning really focused on the kids and they relish in it because I have been so sort of gone emotionally these months.
And, I am excited to focus on myself and my work.
Thanks for your support.
Oh, last thing, he is only moving a few things out and it is irking me because it still puts us in a bit of limbo.
