H wants a D so we can date...each other! WTF??!

[Trixi]

I blew it.
Last night he spontaneously suggests we meet to see Ice Age 3D which I jump at the chance. (so far, so good)
We're sitting in the theater and I ask what time he will be over (today). Originally, the plan had been he would be over "late morning/early afternoon" and we would do a dump run. (Left overs from all the work on the trailer.) He answers that he'll come over to get stuff for the dump, then he has to "go do something" and then he'll come back. He'll call me. I was like "'Go do something'?" He replied 'Yeah, just something." Anyway, he finally tells me that he wants to go look at ski boats. (This is where I blew it.) I looked at him and said "I'm worried about how the hell I am supposed to buy the house and you are going to buy a ski boat.?" UGH! I could see it run thru his head that it's not my business, it's 'his' money, *this* is why we should get a divorce. No, he didn't say these things, but his body languaged shifted.

I owned up to feeling jealous. I said "I have a TV that is starting to die (it's 10 years old and is getting a weird pink area on the screen), I have one car, I bought a $400 turd instead of a trailer I really want, and I am frantic about how to afford the house. You have a new giant flat screen, 5 cars...I feel jealous. Immature I know, but that's how I feel." I also owned up to feeling like it was something else he would shut me out of his life on.

There's more to it, though. When we lived together, there was a couple times where he went out on a friends ski boat and stayed out til 7am and 11am *with no calls*. That same friend cheated on his wife. My H just had to spend many thousands of dollars retaining a lawyer to dispute his dui. I feel like I am watching resources that I need disappear.
He buys things to make himself feel better, they do temporarily and then later he realizes they didn't really do the trick.

He is afraid of us living together and me "controlling" him and look what I did. We don't live together and I "disapproved". (While I was flooded with emotions, he was like "You don't approve.")
I am so mad at myself. I feel like we were about to make some headway in counseling and now this. I want to just go "Wow, that's awesome! Good for you! Can I come out with you on it?" I want to make it 'safe' for him to reconnect, and then I blow it.
GRRRRRR..... I wish we already had the dialoguing tools the counselor will give us next week. CRAP!