WAW - Very confused and devastated - pt 11

[sandi2]

I know this is extremely hard on you. In seeing your boys 2-3 nights a week, I assume you would be travleling back to see them, right? Where would you and the kids stay when you were comming in to see them?

So that's what I was worried about that she would use that as justification of leaving and moving on.

Just remember that in her WAW's frame of thinking.....she doesn't need you trying to help her with any justification. She is able to do that all on her own. That is the "fear" that so many LBH's have and try to keep their W's from thinking the worst about them. Especially, if there was a particular complaint that the WAW used in the past....or even as her excuse to leave. The LBH tries hard not to give her "more" reason for her excuses. However, she is "done" by the time she leaves and it doesn't matter how hard he tries to prove that he is not doing what she blamed him for......she will stick to her own thoughts about it. Remember what Puppy says about LBH's need to get over worrying about their WAW getting "offended" or "angry". You see, you are still making your decisions based on how your W will react. "How will she feel"......"What will she think about this?"......that goes through you every thing you do.

I hope you will resolve to make this talk you had....THE LAST TALK. You have said all there is left to say, plus you are just repeating, now. After a while, it loses its impact. What she needs now is to see "action".

I am glad you had the b@lls to tell her that you wanted to take the boys with you! That was priceless! Gave her something to think about. No longer does the children automatically go with the mothers as they did in years past. She assumed she would always have them. Good for you!

Moving away would be extremely difficult and going back to see the kids would be a hard effort (in which you would carry out) in the beginning. After some time would past.....it would begin to get very hard. When the boys get older, they will have their own activities they will be involved in and will not want to be going off from home. Their schudles and your schedules will begin to conflict more and more. As time passes and you become detached from your W, you "will" want to have adult female compainionship and will begin dating. Then more conflicts with the scheduling of seeing the boys. Of course, that would happen even if you remained where you are. It simply makes it more easily to see the boys for an hour or so. When living that far off, the trip would require planning in advance and you wouldn't drive that far just for a school event on a weeknight. At this precise moment you may think you would, but it would get harder on you, and eventually those times would get more sparce.

I do not envy you in ths decision. I understand how times are hard and men have to have an income. You may not be able to take the job you perfer and have to settle for one that has less salary in order to have the boys in your life more. As I said, you are the one that has to make the decision, and whatever it is.....I know you will give it your best efforts. Based on what I have read in your posts, you have tried really hard to be the H who would draw his WAW back into his life.....and of course....you are crazy about your boys. Now "I'm" the one repeating myself.

Take care,
Sandi