You simply have to listen to the two or three basics that are common to every post to your thread.
This is DB Triage. Must do. First. Now.
Do not contact. Do not pursue. Do not plead, say I love you, flowers, etc. even if she contacts you. Use this time for you.
Depression? Check out the book The Ultramind Solution. It turned it around for me & Dr. is taking me off meds.
Givingitmyall has a similar situation as does lookingforhelp. And me. I don't know how to put a link here, so look at Gardener, Jumping in (first post) 6/03/09.
Keep writing, journaling, asking questions before you take actions you're not sure of.
And, yes, you have to maintain more discipline and avoid making even a phone call. Trust me. Trust us. "Throw me a bone, here..." You may be the first to ask us to throw you a bone. Usually, that's a standard line we all give our spouses when we are repulsively and unattractively in our panic/pleading stage/
Small steps. In order for it to have any chance of being better, you have to be better.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
