Want to add that although this issue where I didn't listen to BF wishes was not a pattern. I respected his opinions and often took his advice. I often considered his feelings and sacrificed to make him comfortable. This cat thing was not the normal. He did not need to conclude that it meant I would never respect him, as he seems to have. He is not looking very holisticly at our history to think this. He is focused on this point, and I'm sure has not reflected on the countless times I did respect him and listen to him. I told him at the time, you are my partner, not my boss. He moved in with me into my house. If I'd moved into his house, no. I would have never considered getting the cat. A few months before the cat, he said he was planning to buy a bldg and what would I do with my pets then. I said, well they're family they're coming with us to your bldg. He said, no I don't want cats in my bldg. So I replied, ok. then you will move to the new bldg and we will stay here. Due this convo, I decided what did it matter if I had 1 or 2 cats if we can't move with him when he buys anyway. Now he claims he never meant that when he said it. Well, I had no way of knowing he was kidding. Seemed pretty sincere to me at the time.
The other part of the circumstance is that BF was sick. He was experiencing a few symptoms that were debilatating. This went on for many months, I think 7. He refused to seek medical attention. The longer he was ill, the crankier he became. It was turning into a very difficult situation. I think he believed he was dying and there is a certain way you'd expect your partner to treat you if you're dying. But I refused to subscribe to that theory and until he would get a diagnosis, I was not about to treat him like a patient dying. I did bring him meals in bed, made him tea, expressed concern and offered advice. I made dr. appts. that he wouldn't go to. I finally shamed him into a dr visit by saying his son needed a father and if he has something wrong that could be fixed but he died from not treating it and his son grew up without him because of it. Unfortunately the dr. could find no cause for his symptoms. He remained sick and got more and more crabby as time went on. It was very frustrating to live with someone who is ill and refusing to take action. I would give him advice and he would say, yes your right, I'll do that. Then the next day he'd say no, and offer some ridiculous alternative. For instance, I wanted him to get an mri. He decided he needed to get to the gym for cardio workout instead and see what would happen and maybe it would make him feel better. I would be-moan, what if you're head is bleeding - cardio would be the worst course to take! Then he wouldn't join the gym anyway, but still not do the MRI. So I was at my wits end with his not taking care of himself. We had always gotten along so well, but this strain was making the relationship nearly unbearable. He started to complain that I woudln't cook for him, although he knew I was working 10 hr days, 7 days a wk. I didn't have time or energy to cook his dinner. There was an eve. when he was cooking and he asked me to get the pans out because if he bent down he would pitch on the floor. I handed him the pans. Then I went up because I was working on a deadline project that had to be finished same night. Weeks later and to this day , he complains that I should have told him if you are that sick that you'll fall over, go lay down and I'll cook for you! Another day the kids had friends over and we ordered pizza. BF was in bed as he always was when he was home cuz he never felt well. He came downstairs and shouted at me in front of the kids because I hadn't served him pizza in bed. I know this isn't his regular behavior, I know he was sick. But it put so much strain on our relationship, esp. because he wouldn't do anything about it. The man won't even take a simple pain reliever when suffering from migranes which he was having regularly. I really believe if he hadn't been sick, the issue of the cat would not have blown up. And if I wasn't feeling so hopeless in the situation and angry that he refused medical help, I probably wouldn't have pushed my luck with the cat. She was actually more of a catalyst than a cat. He began to recover after moving. Just as mysterious as the onset, the symptoms have slowly resolved. He says, I don't live with you and now I'm not sick. Which I think is unfair! I recently discovered that there is a terrible mold problem in my basement and have been alarmed at the results of air sampling done. I looked up symptoms and all BF's symptoms were on the potential list as well as symptoms that DD & I have. We all have different symptoms, but all are potentialy related to the mold issue. I am currently in a battle with my landlord to remediate the problem, as well as looking for alternative housing. I have told BF that I suspect he was affected by the mold. He had a workshop in basement so it makes sense that he presented first and that his sypmtoms were most severe. All in all. I think he woudln't have hated the cat idea to the point of leaving if he hadn't felt so ill. He was talking about what his son would inherit and such that I do believe he thought he was dying at the time. Given that he was thinking that, he was esp. sensitive to how I was treating him. Him saying, well now I'm not sick since I dont' live w/ you, maybe you put me under too much stress - is so unfair. I really couldn't continue to be treated badly by a sick person. No matter what I did to make him comfortable or show concern, it always seemed to fall short of his expectations. So there is the rest of the story. Now he's well. I have a 2nd cat. And he's gone. I'm so sad and lonely. I miss my every day buddy and I miss the relationship we had before he was ill and cranky.
