WAW - Very confused and devastated - pt 11

[confusedinpa]

Stuck & Sandi,

The two of you have been with me long enough to know how much the boys mean to me. One of the things I had told my wife last nite is that in a perfect world, she and the boys would come with me as the job pays enough that she could do what ever she wants. She said that she didn't want to go. Then I said, if that's the case, I would want to take the boys with me.

She seemed caught off guard about that one. She tossed out about how this area is all they have known. I reminded her of what she said before she moved out of how it may be the only house they've known, but it's up to the parent to make it a home.

I know, regardless where I am, I can make a home for the boys. My new job would not require any travel abroad as all the plants are in the northeast, so I would be there for them all the time. The area I could setup in would offer the best HS in the country and I would be able to afford any college that they would want to go to.

My brutal reality, is that whether I take this job or try to stay local, I will wind up only seeing my boys 2-3 nites a week. That is the biggest shame of losing my job, it was ideal to the point where I could see my boys 3-4 nites a week. Unfortunately, there was only one of that type in this area.

My current thinking is to tell the new place that I would need enough vacation so that I will be able to work 4 days/week for this summer (there is about 6 weeks left) as well as take the vacation I was planning for the boys in August. That way, for this summer, I would still see my boys 3 nites/week. I'm pretty sure that I could still deliver the results they want (so I could get my bonus) working that schedule. Especially since the days that I am there, I have no reason to hurry up and leave work.

Once the summer is over, I will work my normal work schedule, but would want 4 weeks/year vacation for the next vacation year. They had already said that they wouldn't have any problem with me leaving early on Friday (as well as working out of the plant that was closest to where I'm currently at) so I can see my boys every weekend.

Another advantage with the new job offer is taht I may be able to work out keeping my current house as well as the new place for me to live. That way I could still keep the boys in the only home that they have known.

I thing I would start with telling my wife that I would want the boys to come with me and she could visit as often as she wants. I doubt that she would go for that, so my back up position would be I will want the boys every weekend as well as for all the holidays (except alternating thanksgiving and christmas) as well as for the entire summer. This would still work out to close to the 50/50 share custody over the course of the year - which is where I'm currently at.

I think this would give me the chance to spend as much quality time with the boys as possible as well as providing for the boys and myself.

Now I'm not giving up on my marriage with this school of thought, but more of creating a situation where I'm there for the boys in a 50/50 custody that my wife agrees to but also space so I can truly detach.

I so wish my wife and boys would come with me, but I know that's not going to happen.

The crazy part of it was that my wife text me a number of times today with some playful stuff. She also called to talk to the boys this afternoon (first time ever). She didn't call tonite though.

It really didn't bother me though (that she didn't call). It could be the 4 Captain Morgan and Cokes I had or what, but I know that my boys and I will be OK. I know that God only gives us what he knows that we can handle.

So I know I can handle this.

Thanks for caring and all your support.