Retrouvaille program

[Deep]

Hi, hope you won't mind if I butt in with my comments. Prior to this I just posted in the thread I started.

Retrouvaille probably helped save my marriage. I honestly don't think I'll still be married now otherwise. Sure, we have our issues to work out still, and it was not like an overnight miracle, but it gave us that chance when all seemed really hopeless.

Although more detailed in my thread, my sitch going in was:

- W in an A with OM. Completely and totally in love with him. Felt that he was her soulmate.
- Had given up on our M in all but name, also affected by colleagues who had fallen ill, and couldn't bear to think her life could end one day and she never seized the chance to be with her real love.
- Cared for me and did not want to see me hurt but that was it.
- Put the kids first and was prepared to stay in the M to give them a stable family. also, did not want to break up OM's family.
- Made it clear there was ZERO feelings for me, including sexually, and only wanted OM.
- Despaired over what we had and how it was gone, could not see if we could re-discover our love.
- Went for counselling, did not help. In fact, W felt it validated her true love with OM and that she had to decide if responsibility to the kids came before that. If she would have OM AND the kids, and OMW and kids (and me) were to disappear, that would have been perfect.
- We were completely tearing each other apart when we spoke at all, two strangers living in different planets in the same house.
- Insistent she could keep OM as a friend.
- I had just about had enough. Wanted so badly to wake her up. Also so wanted badly out of my own pain. It was truly hellish.

I showed W the website, taked to her, told her to take it as a "last resort". W agreed to go "if you think it'll help you". She was convinced it won't help her. She was also a disillusioned Christian (from way back), and was deeply suspicious of Catholicism and expected the folks there to be preachy about religion and M. Towards the program and the day itself, she got increasingly negative and kept asking if we could not go. Although technically both partners have to say they're willing to work on things, I dragged her there.

On the ride over, she kept asking if we could cop out, and wanted guarantees that we could leave any time she wanted out. And she wanted out 5 minutes after we picked up our name tags. I asked her to give it one day at least.

I won't say too much more, but these were the highlights for me:

- End day 1 - went to sleep wanting to leave.
- Day 2 pm, W told me she had communicated with me more than she had for years.
- Day 2 around midnite, I had gone to have a private chat with a program leader, when I went to our room, I kissed her good nite, turned into a long kiss. I'll never forget the way she looked at me then and said "Deep, I felt that. For the first time in a long time, I felt you in that kiss".
- Day 3 she hugged me tight after lunch and told me she was glad I made us attend

When we drove home after, she thanked me for giving us a chance to work things out. (wrote me a note after that again to thank me in writing). She went to unpack first and I hugged her from behind when I came in. She just completely broke down. Cried and cried. Then hugged me and said "I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry".

It was the first time I believed she gave me a sincere apology.

Things were far from perfect after that. We had immense difficulties and fights and challenges, but it was an important point of time for me.

As I posted in the thread I started, some of the problems we now have seem to be more focused on me. I spoke to her today, felt much better, and her reply (unexpectedly) had something to do with Retrouvaille.

(I made my weekend March last year)