Actually I'm going to mirror what Sandi asked you. Is the job worth seeing your kids only a couple days a week? I know the money is important, but ultimately you're going to end up sending your W a check to raise the kids who don't even want to be with her.
When you look back, are you going to have regrets that you didn't work enough to make alot of money or that you didn't spend more time with your kids?
Stuck
You know that's not a fair question. You know it's my boys.
My problem is that most good jobs, if the economy was good so they were highering, are about an hour away. Most of the people have an hour comute unless they are in pharmecutical (which I don't have the right degree). I lucked into my old job being 15 minutes away (although I was over seas about 1 week evey 2-3 months).
Also, my profession is usually a 10 hour workday (it's been like that since I got out if school). So with 12 hours, with the commute, it would have been almost impossible to continue the 50/50 custody we currenly have. I'm not trying to talk my self into it, but just facing some brutal reality. That was actually the first thing that crosses my mind when they let me go. That's a big reason why I started looking at opening a bar/resturant.
It is a tough choice. Seems like there's no good answer.
My wife are suppose to meet for breakfast Sunday (just the 2 of us) to talk about this
I pray for the strength and wisdom to make the right choice
Me 41 WAW 36 S 3&7 M 10 yrs W files D 1/9/09 W moves out 4/18 Lost job 6/15 New job 7/27 Disc PA 8/10 (started Nov 2008!) Confronted 8/11 Admits PA & appologies for hurt 9/11 Lost Job 11/13
I knew you knew what the answer was buddy. I just wanted to put it out there. For you to just see the kids over the weekends sounded too harsh right now. I can hear how proud you are of your boys when you see them play and you'd regret not being able to do that anymore.
Be strong my friend. My prayers are with you.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
I kind of want to hit you over the head with a 2x4, although I think you already know all the things you said wrong. You said way too many words when talking to her about your friend. You had her eating out of your hand and could have been very mysterous......but you talked too much. I know it's hard when you want to have a very open and honest type of R with her. Being mysterous in not being "dishonest"....it's just not going into details to explain every little thing and let her think what she will. I think you saw for yourself her reaction. Maybe she was jealous...(which I think she was)...or maybe it was a control thing for her. She sees she is not there to be in charge of your life now! Ever thought about that, when you are wanting to spill your guts? Next time, don't be so wordy....(I KNOW...it's hard for me too!)
I will give you some slack b/c I believe you felt a tremdous amount of pressure to get her to give you an answer about her intentions, so you could make a decision about the job offer. However, after all you said.....she still would not offer any hope or encouragement. If it wasn't for the boys, I'd tell you to leave there so fast it would make her head spin around!! She may wait to call your bluff and see if you'll really leave her and move away. I don't know if she's thinking clearly enough to know you would stay for only the sake of the boys or not. After what you told her regarding your other job decision b/c of her, she may think you stay strickly on her account.
You have to make this decision about the job on your own. I don't think she is going to help. I realize you have to earn a living, but I sure would hate to see you end up regretting the move. I'll sure be saying a prayer for you about this decision.
Take care, Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
The two of you have been with me long enough to know how much the boys mean to me. One of the things I had told my wife last nite is that in a perfect world, she and the boys would come with me as the job pays enough that she could do what ever she wants. She said that she didn't want to go. Then I said, if that's the case, I would want to take the boys with me.
She seemed caught off guard about that one. She tossed out about how this area is all they have known. I reminded her of what she said before she moved out of how it may be the only house they've known, but it's up to the parent to make it a home.
I know, regardless where I am, I can make a home for the boys. My new job would not require any travel abroad as all the plants are in the northeast, so I would be there for them all the time. The area I could setup in would offer the best HS in the country and I would be able to afford any college that they would want to go to.
My brutal reality, is that whether I take this job or try to stay local, I will wind up only seeing my boys 2-3 nites a week. That is the biggest shame of losing my job, it was ideal to the point where I could see my boys 3-4 nites a week. Unfortunately, there was only one of that type in this area.
My current thinking is to tell the new place that I would need enough vacation so that I will be able to work 4 days/week for this summer (there is about 6 weeks left) as well as take the vacation I was planning for the boys in August. That way, for this summer, I would still see my boys 3 nites/week. I'm pretty sure that I could still deliver the results they want (so I could get my bonus) working that schedule. Especially since the days that I am there, I have no reason to hurry up and leave work.
Once the summer is over, I will work my normal work schedule, but would want 4 weeks/year vacation for the next vacation year. They had already said that they wouldn't have any problem with me leaving early on Friday (as well as working out of the plant that was closest to where I'm currently at) so I can see my boys every weekend.
Another advantage with the new job offer is taht I may be able to work out keeping my current house as well as the new place for me to live. That way I could still keep the boys in the only home that they have known.
I thing I would start with telling my wife that I would want the boys to come with me and she could visit as often as she wants. I doubt that she would go for that, so my back up position would be I will want the boys every weekend as well as for all the holidays (except alternating thanksgiving and christmas) as well as for the entire summer. This would still work out to close to the 50/50 share custody over the course of the year - which is where I'm currently at.
I think this would give me the chance to spend as much quality time with the boys as possible as well as providing for the boys and myself.
Now I'm not giving up on my marriage with this school of thought, but more of creating a situation where I'm there for the boys in a 50/50 custody that my wife agrees to but also space so I can truly detach.
I so wish my wife and boys would come with me, but I know that's not going to happen.
The crazy part of it was that my wife text me a number of times today with some playful stuff. She also called to talk to the boys this afternoon (first time ever). She didn't call tonite though.
It really didn't bother me though (that she didn't call). It could be the 4 Captain Morgan and Cokes I had or what, but I know that my boys and I will be OK. I know that God only gives us what he knows that we can handle.
So I know I can handle this.
Thanks for caring and all your support.
Me 41 WAW 36 S 3&7 M 10 yrs W files D 1/9/09 W moves out 4/18 Lost job 6/15 New job 7/27 Disc PA 8/10 (started Nov 2008!) Confronted 8/11 Admits PA & appologies for hurt 9/11 Lost Job 11/13
I'm good as I've had 4 Captain Morgan and Cokes, but my situation still hasn't changed.
I did try FB but came up with 192 different hits. Anything to narrow it down?
Me 41 WAW 36 S 3&7 M 10 yrs W files D 1/9/09 W moves out 4/18 Lost job 6/15 New job 7/27 Disc PA 8/10 (started Nov 2008!) Confronted 8/11 Admits PA & appologies for hurt 9/11 Lost Job 11/13
there is this tommy tutone song from late 70's early eighties ....maybe you heard it 570 540 9005 ahem ...., ..no no that doesn't seem like it wasn't it like ...
