Saving a Military Marriage.... 4

[FitChik]

I have about one week left before deploying. I am fairly calm and peaceful but my emotions get the best of me when it comes to our M and my H.

My H is back in the states this week after being over in Iraq for 7 months. He will be here for 2 weeks. I have no idea where he is or who he is with. I have not seen him since November. He does not want to see me and "just wants me out of his life". I am trying to be strong but it is still hurtful and devastating to hear after all of these months away.

His emotions this past month from extreme anger & bitterness to friendly to crying his eyes out..... I honestly feel for him as he seems to have an inner struggle always going on and it creates many troubles and anxieties for him.

If the choice were up to me, I would see H while he is home. But he is not cooperative. He agreed to meet with me "for one hour" at the airport or at a restaurant close by and I would be the one flying from the west coast to the east coast to accomodate it (and paying for it). H is not willing to fly here to see me (even when I deploy next week). I am not sure any person it worth that much effort..... Shelling out over $500 and flying over 12 hrs to spend 1 hr with my H!!! Is he crazy?

I still long to have the chance to sit down with him and talk about our M in person, as we never have! He filed for D without ever talking about it with me in person. It has been hard for me to accept the reality of a D without having my H tell me in person. I think in the end it will give me closure that he didn't have enough courage and respect to do it... but it's frustrating now.

The really hard part for me now if we have a court date in August - which will be one of the hardest months of combat for us. I hope I will be able to solely focus on my job but I just don't know how I will react. I have never been in a combat situation and am still having a very, very hard time with our D. It scares me.

I am tempted to request an extension on our hearing date or postpone the D until I return.... but don't know what to do. I am having a very hard time deciding. I could let it go through in August but I am very uncertain about being able to cope with everything.

I am honestly very angry at my H for putting both of us in this position during deployment. It is incredibly selfish and dangerous to both of us. He is in a fairly stable area that sees few casualties. I am heading to an area that is extremely underdeveloped and very, very hostile right now. I am angry he would do this to me in such a challenging time.