H wants a D so we can date...each other! WTF??!

[Trixi]

It does benefit me to stay married. I sell real estate and as such, there is no 'free' medical/dental insurance. I can figure my expenses will go up at least $300/mo for that. He currently is paying my auto insurance and it is reduced because all our policies are thru the same company. There's at least another $100/mo. (Need to have good coverage because I haul people around in my car.)

The only "benefit" I can see to getting a divorce, is that I would get half the 401K and could immediately liquidate a portion to pay off my credit cards and use the money for a down payment on the house I rent. That part is appealing to me.

I went and saw the counselor today because I wanted his take on the whole thing. He said he is actually very hopeful. That it means something that my H is actually willing to explore these things. He will be giving us "couples dialoguing" tools to use next time and said we will probably be a little frustrated at how slooooowwww it is, but it will give us the ability to really hear what the other person is saying and to be more 'curious'. And that as we both feel safer exposing deeper and deeper feelings, we'll be able to see what is *really* going on.

He said that clearly my H is very confused and that bottom line, he doesn't want to be hurt again and that somehow, H thinks not being married is how to avoid being hurt. (When, the reality is, putting your heart out there means there is a risk for being hurt.)

Anyway, I said that I was worried that I was being led to the slaughter and he said that if I was (which at this point, he doesn't think is what;s happening), but IF I was, then that would show something about H's character and it might make it easier for me to walk away.

Oddly enough, it seems that everytime things start to go really well, my H has to start backing off. We had a really great weekend; worked on the trailer, worked on his jeep--went to fireworks, a movie, ate, drank wine...it was a super nice weekend. Monday he came over, too. We snuggled on the couch and talked about our childhood memories and fave Twilight Zones. And then two days later he is talking about a divorce as being a 'clean slate'. UGH!

Counselor wants to explore the 'clean slate' thing.
I totally "get" wanting to have a clean slate, but the problem is, in creating the so called clean slate, he will be sh!tting all over it. And thus, it will be dirty, if that makes any sense at all.

I must be too romantic. We went to see UP and to me, *that* relationship was what marriage is about. Is that silly? (if you haven't seen UP, you won't know what I mean.) I feel like I am losing what's left of mind.