I feel like I am operating in a vacuum

[cville22901]

Sgctxok:
Maybe I’m being too naïve and trusting, but my wife said that she simply did not want to live with anyone at this point in her life. She told me flat out that she was not having an affair, and I tend to believe her. I do not think that the break up was about sex. We had a very good sex life, but she has withdrawn recently due to the menopause and a condition that causes dryness (so sex became somewhat uncomfortable for her). Even if she was having an affair, I think that I could cope with it because it would, at least, be comprehensible to me. I guess it does not matter, at this point, why she wanted out. The bottom line is that she wanted out. So, I’m off in my own little world, and she’s in her little world. The thing that is driving me crazy is that, in terms of trying to effect a reconciliation, I feel like that old question about “When a tree falls in a forest and there is nobody around, does it make any noise?” I’m really trying to work on my personal well-being. However, in terms of communication with her, there is really none. How she supposed to be aware of what I am doing if I do not communicate with her at all? How do I get a reaction to read if I do not interact with her?

Puppy Dog:
I kick myself for leaving. I was trying to please her and to give her space. I wish that I had just stayed in the house. I went back there a couple of weeks after the break up, and she had removed all of the pictures of me and the kids from my first marriage from the walls.

Gardener:
I’ve come a long way in the last four months, but you’re right about taking care of one’s self.

All:
The depression has been an issue for me since I went through a break up of my first marriage in 1990. I’ve been battling with it off and on ever since. It became more pronounced two years ago. I think that my depression coincided with her menopause and her depression, business failure, family issues, and awareness of aging to create the perfect storm- two people miserable about their own lives, who did not have a lot left for each other.

In a little while, I am going to get off this computer, take a shower, and go out to listen to some music. I’ve joined an outdoor social club, and I’ve done some activities. So, I’m trying to get out of my shell and be with other folks. It helps, but it feels like I’m on a perpetual job interview. I guess I miss the comfort level of my old routine with my wife.

Thanks for your responses. I’m sure we’ll be messaging more.