Trying to cope with H, IA/EA (was Newbie-1st post)

[Faith2010]

This board is a saving grace. Thank you to all of you who have taken the time to read my thread and offer support.

Sandi - I appreciate you stopping by. I had actually read some of your posts before so I was aware of your sitch. I do not see you as the OW. I can actually understand why you did what you did. I will say it is nice to know OM wasn't married. I've read the advice you've given others and I respect your take on things.

Puppy -thanks for checking in. I appreciate your concern. I'm afraid what I'm about to tell you is not good.

Let me start by saying, I know I screwed up. I expect each of you to be disappointed in me. I've been completely upfront and honest about what's occurred so far and feel I have no choice but to let you all know what I've done.

I called OW at work. I did not talk to her. I listened to her say hello twice and hung up. I thought I was being smart by using a phone card, thinking my number would not show up. I was wrong. My intention was not to talk to her. What was my intention? Honestly (feeling extremely ashamed) I just wanted to mess with her. Immature, yes I was. I have no excuse. Now I am paying the price for my actions. Here is what happened:
H called me, screaming why did I call her at work. I denied it. H went off, recited the number she had that called so I knew she knew. I continued to deny, H screamed it was one of my 'cronies' and demanded I find out who and stop it.

I hang up with H. S texts me and says his aunt (who he is staying with) won't stop screaming at her kid (15). S wants to go to grandparents house. I called H back, tell him, he says no one is at grandparents, offers no solutions. Talk with S. He does not want me to get him. Offer him to go to another aunt's house. He says no, he doesn't want to leave his cousin alone with screaming aunt. Get off with S. H calls back and asks if I find out who called OW. I said no, I was dealing with S. H goes off about how much OW has to deal with, all the problems she has and how no one should mess with her at work. I told H I didn't give a sh!t about OW's problems and to stop speaking to me about her.

I am very upset at work and decide I can't stay, don't want to stay at home and decide to go to sister's. I go home to pack. H is mowing lawn and doesn't see me pull into garage. I got packed, pulling out and H sees me. H asked what I'm doing. I was crying and said I am leaving and will see him Sunday. H asks why, where etc. I told him I can't take it anymore, emotionally. I told H I love him more than anything is this world but he's confused and he needs to figure things out. H hugged me and said he's sorry and he's confused. H said "I thought we were going to have fun tonight." I said I thought so too but I can't stay. I drove away. It felt like I was leaving him. I was hysterical but I made the 3 hour drive.

H called me when I got here. I called back a while later. here's the convo:
H - you took a half day off work?
Me - yes
H - are you alone?
Me - yea
H - tell me how you got her work number
Me - I will not talk about OW
H - I need to know how you got her work number. You can't mess with her at work. Are you spying on my computer or e-mail?
Me - No, I did not get on your account and I am not dicussing OW
H - (more about how did I find out)
In the midst of my replying I will not discuss OW the phone cuts off or H hangs up.

H has tried to call once since, I did not answer.

Once again, I would like to say I am sorry to each of you because I know what I did was wrong. You are all here, taking your time to try to help me and I completely screwed up.

I'd appreciate any insight or advice.