WAW - Very confused and devastated - pt 11

[sandi2]

You were talking about how your W thought you had placed your job over her b/c of the long hours you spent there. The sad fact is that a lot of us were not taught things about the opposite sex and how they think. I had been grown for many years before I heard it explained that to "men" they show how much they love their families by how hard they work on their jobs. Well......I DID NOT KNOW THAT! WHY DIDN'T SOMEBODY TELL ME THAT YEARS BEFORE THAT? We women place so much value in emotions. That was my problem with my H was the fact he could not talk about his "feelings" to me. It's all about spending time together and showing affection, and stuff like that that is important to women. ESPECIALLY before most women had careers of their own and was so busy they didn't know which end was up. Now, the women are working as long hours as their H's and that hurts the MR even worse.

Anyway, I couldn't help but think about that when you made that statement. Have you EVER considered telling your W that "she" was the reason that you worked so hard? If you never put it into words (and how many men haven't), then how will she know?

Just a thought.

Sandi

[confusedinpa]

Almostdonebut.......

Thanks for your thoughts and support

The interview went very well to the point they gave me a formal offer that was almost 5% higher than their preliminary discussion offer. They wanted me to start on Monday. I told them I will have to discuss with my wife and kids (I did tell them my wife left 2 months ago). It would be a no brained if it wasn't for the fact that the job is 3 hours away.

My wife did call me on my way home. The odd part was that I was talking to my friend who had told me her 89 year old grandmother had just be diagnosed with cancer. She was really emotional as she is also 16 weeks pregnant. I was trying to be symaptheic and supportive when all of a sudden my wife was on the phone. I then notice my cell had put my friend on hold and switched over to my wife's call. I'm not sure how long she was on the phone for but later that nite when she brought it up

She had asked who I was talking to and why did I sound so lovey dovey and playful an flirty. I too her that I don't know what she was talking about as I was just talking to one of my friends. She asked who was this friend and why was I talking that way. She said it didn't even sound like me. I told her about my friends grandmother so she was upset so I was just being supportive

Then she asked who are all these friends all of a sudden since her bomb. I told her that they were always there but my priorities had been wrong in the past. Since then i've reconnected with them without any reservations. Seems like she is the only one who is holding onto issues, but that's something to her to work throug

She then started asking about the job offer and my thoughts. I told her that this maybe a way for me to move on and start over. I would still see the kids every weekend since she stopped trying to find a reason. She said she never said that. She said still hadn't found a reason but will always be looking.

I told her that if she really thinks that we may work on it, that is something I need I know. I told her that I left my first job because I wanted to stay in the area because of her. I told her that she is very important to me but I can't put my life on hold hoping if she has truly moved on and not looking back.

She said that she has seen that I've changed as before age couldn't even stand to be in the same room with me. Now she can be friends and nice to me but she doesn't feel like she could be a wife to me. I told her that she's not being nice as she has taken the kids away from me 50% of the one and the most important person completely away from me an is in the process of permantly breaking apart the family and destroying everything we've built up together. How is that being nice?

She started crying at that point. I asked her what she was thinking about. She said she was just listening

I told her that it was gettig late and I know she has a busy day at work so goodnite. We both have a lot to think about and I hung up

[MrBond]

Talk about your mixed blessings. I hope you find some clarity in in it all.

Hate to say it, but your W was acting like a spoiled little girl. She noticed you weren't paying any attention to her and so she gets upset. Talk about your mixed up priorities. Good for you for standing up to her.

[MrBond]

Actually I'm going to mirror what Sandi asked you. Is the job worth seeing your kids only a couple days a week? I know the money is important, but ultimately you're going to end up sending your W a check to raise the kids who don't even want to be with her.

When you look back, are you going to have regrets that you didn't work enough to make alot of money or that you didn't spend more time with your kids?

[Tomato]

hey CIP

how are ya? got any w/e plans?

Ted

[Tomato]

my Sunday looks fairly clear

Morris

[Tomato]

if ya aint doin much on Sun and want to tip back some suds piece the prev two together and ck out FB.


T

[confusedinpa]

Sandi

That's a very interesting point. Even last nite when we were talking about the job offer, I had told her that the reason I left my first job was because I wanted to stay in the area because of her. She said she had no idea. I did tell her that I don't want to leave the area still because of her.

I'm sure you'll crack me in the head for this but I told her that I've been trying to stop loving her but it's been a hard thing to do. I too her that I've been listening to Kenny Roger's song "I Can't Unlove You" because of that. She had it on her Ipod so she listened to it and started crying

I wouldn't have expected that from a WAW

I'll try telling her why I had been working so hard at my job. I had thought she knew (especially sine she had written the Buy Me A Rose lyrics in a card she gave me last year) but you never know. She's not a mind reader either

Thanks for stopping by and offering your thoughts again

Hope all is well with you

[MrBond]

"I did tell her that I don't want to leave the area still because of her. "

Bad thing to say. You should have said you were debating the offer because you want to be with the boys. Don't even mention her in the picture.

[Tomato]

EM can be found there