He told me four months ago he wanted out. He is still here, living in the house though not sleeping in our room. He told me initially he just hadn't had time to find some place to live. He has had plenty of time lately. Money is an issue but where there is a will there is a way. That tells me something. I think.:)
I agree with Almost. Don't try to tell him anything about what he is going through. I too know from experience that it will backfire in your face quicker than anything.
But you really have to let yourself off of the hook for the backslide. Just start from now and go back to what you were doing. We have all been there.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
He told me four months ago he wanted out. He is still here, living in the house though not sleeping in our room. He told me initially he just hadn't had time to find some place to live. He has had plenty of time lately. Money is an issue but where there is a will there is a way. That tells me something. I think.:)
Script....to the tee
Yep, yep, yep. Have you read the "MLC for Dummies" rant that is posted somewhere on this site, T? This exact sort of thing is in there.
Peace, Dawn
Me 45/H 47, no kids Together since 1985; M/1992 Bomb1 (EA-OW1, age 22) 2001 Bomb2 (EA/PA-OW2, age 22) 10/2007, A continues H left 11/24/08 minimal contact, no legal action http://tinyurl.com/DawnHope1
Me 45/H 47, no kids Together since 1985; M/1992 Bomb1 (EA-OW1, age 22) 2001 Bomb2 (EA/PA-OW2, age 22) 10/2007, A continues H left 11/24/08 minimal contact, no legal action http://tinyurl.com/DawnHope1
So who wrote this crazy script anyway? And then started handing it out to people and telling them to memorize and follow it?:) It is easier to stomach the days when I am detached enough to just be amused by the craziness rather than hurt by it.
Backslide over - moving on.:) Fortunately, it didn't backfire the way I thought it was going to. He has been relatively normal since then. That was unexpected. But I can't complain!
So who wrote this crazy script anyway? And then started handing it out to people and telling them to memorize and follow it?:)
Well...some would say that credit goes to the devil. I do have to say that it sounds like Lucifer's work.
Originally Posted By: trustingfaith
It is easier to stomach the days when I am detached enough to just be amused by the craziness rather than hurt by it.
Thanks for the link, Dawn!:)
You're welcome...I can always use a refresher course myself. And that's what detachment is all about, IMO. You can step back and look at it as being like a movie or something, and not get caught up in it too much. Like it's a soap opera that has nothing to do with you. Break out the popcorn and the Milk Duds, it's time to sit back and watch the MLC Show!
Peace, Dawn
Me 45/H 47, no kids Together since 1985; M/1992 Bomb1 (EA-OW1, age 22) 2001 Bomb2 (EA/PA-OW2, age 22) 10/2007, A continues H left 11/24/08 minimal contact, no legal action http://tinyurl.com/DawnHope1
I would have to agree with you there on who wrote the script!
I find myself more and more detached but the minute I start trying to get into his head or try to guess what is going on I get sucked back in. I would rather just pop the popcorn and grab the milk duds!:)
This board has been my beacon some days for sure....just knowing the friends you have here....invaluable.
Yes, stay the course that you set for YOU. He'll get on board.
The fact he has not left is great. Say NOTHING else about him leaving. He brings it up again, have a list of logical reasons why he should stay, including finances, the impact on the rest of the family, etc. Have non-romantic reasons for him to stay and be very matter of fact about it. That way the pressure is off of him to leave incase he really doesn't want to and he probably doesn't since he hasn't alreay. But just in case.....have that conversation ready.
It is great he hasn't left. Do everything you can to keep it that way.
What are some things you are doing? What's your DB game plan?
I am doing my best to keep him here, mostly by not doing/saying anything about it. I never bring it up (and he really doesn't either anymore, at least not for awhile). I am trying to give him absolutely as much space as I can at home so he doesn't feel the need to leave. He is out quite a bit (gym, whatever) but I have noticed he is home more these days, at least some days, than he had been really for months.
In some ways I think it is hard to DB while he is here (like I cannot possibly look my best all the time:)), but here are some of the things I am doing: 1. Try to be in a different room if possible. 2. Don't talk too much to him. 3. Am almost always friendly and upbeat around him (and fake if I have to). 4. He sometimes does/sometimes doesn't volunteer where he is going when he goes out and I don't ask or ask when he will be home, etc. (He does almost always at least tell me he is leaving now so that is a plus). 5. I try to never call him when he is out for any reason. I would in the event of an emergency but otherwise he does live here so pretty much anything can wait. 6. I try not to make any comments that may sound like "mothering" (i.e, suggesting something if he is looking for something to eat, etc.). 7. When he is in his "cave" I don't disturb unless I absolutely have to.
I have seen some baby steps but then of course there are steps back. Still, trying to concentrate on the positives. He does seem to be reconnecting with the kids a lot more than he had been, baby baby baby steps in that direction with me, more interest in the house, etc.
He is still deep in MLC though for sure. But maybe there is light at the end of the tunnel. Trying to stay positive!:) My game plan will remain the same for now though I do adjust a bit as I go. And of course there are the occasional back slides . . .
