I have been to Retrouvaille and it completely turned my marriage around. As trying pointed out it is for couples who are not in love triangles. In fact, Retrouvaille does not encourage couples to come if one partner is actively involved in another relationship. That said, my husband was still hoping to reconcile with OW, not me, when we went. But when the phone call came and they asked us if we were involved with another person, he did say "no".
I don't see the harm in saying exactly what you said in your first post, 'ok, i hear where you are and respect your decision..i just ask that you attend this as our final attempt to see if there is a chance, or to improve communication/friendship if we do end...' and if you still want out afterwards i respect that. That sounds perfect to me. The weekend is all about improving communication, so what you are saying is entirely correct. If he refuses to go, you are no worse off than you are without asking.
When we walked in the door of Retrouvaille, we had only committed with ourselves that we would do the weekend. We said we would "see" if we wanted to continue with the Post sessions. The first night, my husband was uncooperative, and making excuses to leave. I insisted that he stay. By the end of the weekend, he was a happy camper, and couldn't wait to get to the Post sessions.
Honestly, I would say that before you go, there is no way to know who will succeed with the program and who will not. It is a wonderful experience and for us, it was a wonderful weekend in a warm and loving environment.
