Over the Shock and GALing 6

[sandi2]

Thanks for your support Sandi. I am struggling a bit with the distinction between dropping the rope (and completely detaching myself) and still staying a emotionally open enough to allow things to restart if possible

IMHO, dropping the rope is completely detaching yourself. However, I believe it is done in a way that you are not left filled with a bad attitude where nobody can stand to be around you. You aren't resentful, bitter, and all of that stuff.....plus you move on with your life as if she will not be a part of it (but maybe...who knows). That is the tricky part that so many have a problem with. If you were to "really" move on as if she would never be a part of it.....you would get a D, right? So, the difference in getting a D and dropping the rope is that you aren't totally rejecting the idea that if she wanted to work on the M, then you might think about it and reconsider. It is all about what's in your head.

I agree that lying next to a S in the same bed is a tough way to detach. But, the difference I see in daily detaching in a MR and in "dropping the rope" is that you pull back from her when she's acting cold and unfriendly.....and you kind of take a "gage" of what her attitude toward you is on a daily basis. Whereas "dropping the rope" is a decision you make up your mind to do and then you do it and none of this back and forth business of seeing what kind of "mood" she may be in that day. Your decision and actions of dropping the rope does not change at all.........UNTIL she makes some radical changes and lets you know without any doubts that she wants to work on the M and she has no interest in any OM. Don't know that I made that any clearer for you, but I'll keep trying if it isn't...lol.

Take care,
Sandi