I would stop talking to her family. I think if it were me having the MLC or the freak out or suffering from WAW syndrome, talking to my mother or any of my family members would not sit well with me. And the more people who know, in the long run, you make it just that much harder for her to come home, even if that's all she really wants in the end. I would tell her family thank you for supporting me, but please support us both and from here on out please to stay out of it--she and I fell in love without you, we need to do this without you too....if she says something to her mother or sister and then they want to talk to her, then truly you have nothing to do with it. But please, leave her family out of it. That's being respectful to your marriage and you want to be able to hang your hat on that no matter how this ends.
Are you talking about the relationship with her right now or having D talks? If so STOP IT. The more she has the opportunity to say "I want a divorce" in any form or fashion the more real it becomes to her.....the more committed she HAS to be to it. "I said it, and I said it a lot, so I have to do it or I look like a chump who can't follow through."
Time to make your 180 list and get to it.
Also what's Shocked doing for Shocked? Do you exercise? Do you play any sports? Do you bowl? What's fun to Shocked? Anything you do with the kids? I think I read something about church....??? Do you do a lot with your congregation? Whatever it is or isn't, do it or start doing it. That's actually something really really great about this way of life....you really do GAL. I think everyone here can tell you, GALing is great.....we should all do it all the time.
In terms of the D, what has she done other than say she wants to fast track it? Have there been any filings? Are you really in a position to get divorced? I know my H and I aren't, thank goodness for debt! Never thought I would say that. I was reading through your thread and maybe missed that update.....
And I agree with Sandi, the flirting at weird random times....assume she wants to keep you on the hook and possibly, there was a fight or a downturn between her and OM.
My basic story....H had an EA with a coworker. That's now officially over but as the EA was hot and heavy in January, he went to see a lawyer...found out in order to divorce with our size debt, it would be mean bankruptcy. So that bought us some time. Then the EA would fizzle, heat back up, fizzle, heat back up until it finally ended about a month ago. But I could tell what kind of track the EA was going based on his treatment of me.....flirty and loving=bad EA, bad OW. Jerky and distant=fun EA!
It's comical to look back at it now.
DO NOT THROW IN THE TOWEL. Wait it out. And if you do decide to end this, make sure you make that decision on a calm day, with a calm heart and mind. THEN give yourself at least a month of feeling the same way, ready to end it, for at least one month.....and I mean 30 days at least where every one of those days, you are ready to walk away and start new without her. Until you can do that, keep fighting, keep DBing, keep coming here.
Strap in Brother, it's a long bumpy ride. But it will get better, I promise.
