why it takes d for so many to "get it"

[iwantittowork]

I wonder if you all would feel the same way if the shoe was on the other foot.

LL

I agree most everything you have said as well as the others, but one thing I would like to point out to you is your statement above. For me the LBS, the shoe 'has' been on the other foot as well.

There is no OM in my sitch either, but my W has decided to call it quits. That was the final 2x4 I needed to see clearly back over the last few years what had been happening.

For me, the LBS, I was also angry/resentful/hurt at what was happening. I could sense something was wrong, but it was never articulated well, and not knowing what to do, I did the best I could without the 'tools' I really needed to make changes. Unfortunately, those were all the WRONG things to do, pursue, beg, etc.

That is your natural reaction to what's happening, all the DB tools, personal growth tools, etc you have to use go AGAINST what your natural reaction would be. Once you have hit the bottom, or come to understand the tools and see the way the tools and personal growth for yourself will work, it's then too late for the WAS.

However, as the LBS, I had committed to sickness/health/death do us part, and still do to this day, that no matter what happened I would work on our MR. But that's not so for the WAS. At times I wanted to leave as well, my love had ebbed also, but not my commitment to her. I feel that my natural reaction to what was happening was a form of 'sickness' that you can't see without reaching the darkest bottom of your MR.

I want my STBXW to someday realize this, but I can't be the one to point that out, can you look at your LBS and understand these things? That for the LBS it's just as hard, emotionally as you?

These things I understand now, and what makes it hard on me as the LBS as well, as I am still committed to my MR, and my STBXW, and understand the depths of her anger and pain, as I feel it as well, and so I will let her go. It's not what I want, it's what she wants, and I am willing to live with that so she can be the person she wants to be.