Magnificent

[mishka422]

Making it through. Doing well overall now that the hormone driven complete meltdown is over...kind of.

dday - you ask what I do to treat myself? I actually do plenty. Activity isn't the issue with me, it's more a general feeling of worthlessness that overwhelms me. I know you aren't familiar with my back story, but suffice it to say that some things that happened in my distant past left me very damaged and it haunts me still more than 20 years later. The pain of that shaped me into the person I am today and I hate that I gave that much power and control over my life to such scum. It is what it is.

Donna - The gratitude journal is such a good idea, I have a hard time focusing on what I'm grateful for most of the time so maybe that will help.

So, what do I do for fun? Well......

Ride my bike
Take long walks
Read
Have movie nights with friends or with Marc
Play cards
Cook
Go out with friends

As a matter of fact, last night Jill and I went to an Irish Pub over in the next little town where they were having live music and "Thirsty Thursday". Yes, it is what it sounds like! Buy an entree and beer or wine and they will fill your beer or wine two more times free!!!! That was nice! The music was ok, not fabulous but it was entertaining. A couple of the waiters got up to sing too and they were hysterical. Poison's "Every Rose has it's Thorn" never sounded quite like that. Of course, the rest of the bar joined in too.

The long view of life is where I get myself into trouble. The here and now isn't such an issue. Future thinking puts me in a major depression because I become stuck in the hopelessness and loneliness of it all. That's stinkin' thinkin' for sure. If I take my life as a journey of a day then it's just fine. I don't need to think about the solitary existence I will have later in life right now. I can just focus on the NOW!