Trying to cope with H, IA/EA (was Newbie-1st post)

[sandi2]

We've also gone back and forth on where to stay. H seems concerned if we stay at parents, S will have to sleep on the floor in our room and we won't be able to have sex.

WHAT???

(H appears obsessed with having sex)

Well, yeah.....but you do know why, right?

H even asked me on the phone tonight to come to his work (now) to have sex.

This man is deranged! Has he ever made a request for you to go to his work place to give him sex before all this EA/OW mess?

I really don't understand what H's obsession with sex is right now.

You don't???

After hearing what SIL said to H, I am ticked and very upset. I want to approach SIL (after the funeral) but I don't know if I should even bother. To be quite honest, I don't even know how I am going to handle seeing her.

It will probably all be over by the time you read this, however, in the future, do not get into it with SIL or any of his family. His "family" will win out every time! Is this his brother's wife or his sister? She is not good company and she will continue to cause a huge rift between you and H......count on it. Unless "he" decides to wake up to how she works (and men seldom understand the "working" of a female like "we" know what females are capable of doing) and your H puts her in her place. I don't think he will, so you can add SIL to your long list of problems. She "is" your enemy and better treat it as such.

As I said, the funeral, etc., will all be over, but where you are worried about what to say to his relative, friends, etc., let that be "his" problem. He was the one that got the M into this stitch, so he can answer their questions. If they ask you an uncomfortable question you do not know how to answer.....tell them they will have to ask your H. If it is something about travel and why you & son came separately.....just say it is complicated and change the subject. It's really none of anybody's business.

When there is a death in a family, it makes "everyone's"
emotions very raw. Be careful.

I plan on trying to call her again as I think she needs to know she is destroying a family and the effect her relationship with H is having on our child

Oh Ashlee! Honey, that b*tch KNOWS she is destroying a family! Do you think she gives a care? Don't be the patheic "wifey" who is whinning to the OW, for God's sake have some self respect!

H wanted me to think I had a chance on saving our M but because I tried to call her, I blew it.

"When" did he make you think there was a chance on saving the M? Wake up, Ashlee. You are losing yourself.

Am I really suppose to just ignore the A and pretend it's not happening?

Where did you get the idea you are to ignore the A and pretend it's not happening???? No, you don't do that. But neither do you try to force things to happen in order to "make" your H return to the M.......like calling the OW and thinking she actually has any guilt over what she's doing! If you contact OW, it will push the two of them together, IMHO. Your H will try to protect her and he certainly will not want to run home to you! Think about this. You are acting like a desparate housewife, and it's not one bit attractive!

I told him I was not leaving the house. H said he'll leave. I said that is fine. I said he still has financial responsibilities as everything is in both of our names. H acknowledged that fact.

Well, good for you!! You had me worried, sweetie!

When S mentioned his father was talking to OW, the aunt acknowledged it was wrong but also seemed to defend H. The aunt also told S that I hate her

I'm not surprised. Honey, I've had a lot of in-law trouble over the years and I can tell you that there will ALWAYS be an aunt or "somebody" in your H's corner. It is as natural as their blood that runs through their veins. You may worry that she influenced your S who is only 14. I certainly understand where you are coming from. I have had to deal with a taste of stuff like that (just not from your particular angle) and it is never good. You must trust the way you have raised your S and trust his good judgment in you. Yes, it's hard and it hurts. You will grow like you've never grown before. I want you to remember what I've said. In the near future you will look back and say, "Sandi was right. I have grown as a person and I'm stronger than I've ever been." You know how I can say that? Experience, sweetheart. And when I say "honey & sweetie" and pet names like that......it is b/c I am older than you and my heart bleeds for what you are going through (it is not meant in a "degrading" sense, at all). I have not had a WAH, but I have experience other things in life, and you know what I discovered? It is the really hard places in life's road that will either cause us to crumble or we will "grow" from it. Regardless of the outcome of this MR, you will walk with your head held high b/c of "who" you have become, okay? Will you remember that? You are going through a living nightmare today, but a new day is coming and you will take charge of your life.....and you will be better! Try not to retaliate to H's aunt for what she did. Try to have grace and poise and show that you have more "class" than to do that. Man do I know how hard that is! It makes you want to scratch her eyes out, doesn't it?

I think I've caught up on the thread now. I want to be here for you and hope you won't think of "me" as an OW. Gosh, I didn't think about that! I was not involved with a married man. He was D. It doesn't make me any better, but I just wanted you to know that I was not involved with a man who was M. That is all over now and my H and I are doing good. This board had a big part in saving my M and that's why I'm here now trying to pay it forward. So, I hope you will let me be here in your corner.

Check on you later. Take care.

Sandi