I don't think she knows how much it costs. If she did, she might have second thoughts, so since we have no money anyway, ...
The cost is actually reasonable. It covers 2 nights in a hotel, the conference room, meals for the weekend, and the costs of the 6 follow up sessions. You are not paying for the speakers, sponsors, etc as they are all volunteers.
That's part of the point I was making - Mrs. Thinker has often in the past requested weekend outings that would cost more (2 nights in a hotel, meals, transportation, etc).
Note that on top of the $400 (Which may vary by location), they also ask for a voluntary (sealed envelope) donation to support the overall Retro program.
I might consider figuring out between you and your W how to pay the $400 yourselves. It is non-refundable, and once your W has paid the money herself (or out of your joint funds), she is going to more committed to going and less likely to bail out at the last minute.
Quote:
This text message is the first positive thing W has said in a long, long time.
Congratulations. Follow up quickly and get it scheduled.
Last edited by Thinker; 07/10/0903:41 PM.
Me 42, W 39, S8, S6, S2 M 11y, A & ILYBNILWY 11/08 Walking away from a bad situation.
Your words are truly inspirational. Did you save your marriage with this philosophy...I'm not familiar with your story? I also still wear my wedding ring although my W does not. It's my reminder that it's not over yet.
Thanks, LFH
That was my philosophy and yes it worked for me. My marriage was saved because I took positive action on my part and my wife took positive action for herself. You can be a great DBer or a lousy one but your marriage will eventually take two committed partners to heal. You don't control your wife. You control your actions, feelings and thoughts. The Stockdale Paradox helped me cope. Make your mind up to thrive and not let this take you down regardless of the outcome. You can handle it. Cheers Coach
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
So after the discussion this am about how Retrouvaille was too expensive, I just went downstairs and found Mrs. Thinker sitting in the dining room with a door-to-door knife salesman, having priced out a full set with him. "What do you think?" she says, "They're only $500 for the set"
AAAAAARGHHHHH!!!!
I almost F'ing lost it.
Instead I said (almost calmly) "In understand the knives, they are great. I know all about them. I just don't think that in our situation we can afford to spend $500 on knives" - and then cut the salesman off when he started in on the "Well, we have a special today only sale where..."
[Ranting=Thinker] Can't afford to invest $400 in our M, but these knives are such a bargain at $500!!! What is she thinking!!!! [/Ranting]
Last edited by Thinker; 07/10/0905:00 PM.
Me 42, W 39, S8, S6, S2 M 11y, A & ILYBNILWY 11/08 Walking away from a bad situation.
So after the discussion this am about how Retrouvaille was too expensive, I just went downstairs and found Mrs. Thinker sitting in the dining room with a door-to-door knife salesman, having priced out a full set with him. "What do you think?" she says, "They're only $500 for the set"
AAAAAARGHHHHH!!!!
I almost F'ing lost it.
Instead I said (almost calmly) "In understand the knives, they are great. I know all about them. I just don't think that in our situation we can afford to spend $500 on knives" - and then cut the salesman off when he started in on the "Well, we have a special today only sale where..."
[Ranting=Thinker] Can't afford to invest $400 in our M, but these knives are such a bargain at $500!!! What is she thinking!!!! [/Ranting]
OK, this made me laugh. Of course I thought The Shining was a funny movie.
I would have loved to have seen your face when she asked you what you thought of the knives!!!! Ya gotta laugh cause the alternative isn't as much fun. You handled it well Think. Cheers
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Thanks for your support Sandi. I am struggling a bit with the distinction between dropping the rope (and completely detaching myself) and still staying a emotionally open enough to allow things to restart if possible
IMHO, dropping the rope is completely detaching yourself. However, I believe it is done in a way that you are not left filled with a bad attitude where nobody can stand to be around you. You aren't resentful, bitter, and all of that stuff.....plus you move on with your life as if she will not be a part of it (but maybe...who knows). That is the tricky part that so many have a problem with. If you were to "really" move on as if she would never be a part of it.....you would get a D, right? So, the difference in getting a D and dropping the rope is that you aren't totally rejecting the idea that if she wanted to work on the M, then you might think about it and reconsider. It is all about what's in your head.
I agree that lying next to a S in the same bed is a tough way to detach. But, the difference I see in daily detaching in a MR and in "dropping the rope" is that you pull back from her when she's acting cold and unfriendly.....and you kind of take a "gage" of what her attitude toward you is on a daily basis. Whereas "dropping the rope" is a decision you make up your mind to do and then you do it and none of this back and forth business of seeing what kind of "mood" she may be in that day. Your decision and actions of dropping the rope does not change at all.........UNTIL she makes some radical changes and lets you know without any doubts that she wants to work on the M and she has no interest in any OM. Don't know that I made that any clearer for you, but I'll keep trying if it isn't...lol.
Take care, Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
