I am letting him vent....but wasn't sure if I should change the subject since OW was one of the topics we tabled. But that makes sense, I will just validate but not add my two cents anymore.....good plan.
So I had a real estate agent come by and look at the house last night. It was pretty good news that she KNOWS she can sell it and for a little more than I thought. The bad news is we are upside down on the house. But more good news is that we may be able to take out a loan to cover closing costs. If that's the case, I am ready to move....to walk away from the house. I know H wants to for his own reasons, but for me it's mostly financial and I want a change of scenery. It's been a great little house for us, but I think it's time to move one.....sort of cleaning off the slate.
But at the same time, if we can't work this out to sell it, like I said, it's still a great little house.
We'll have to paint a couple of the rooms and some of the walls, which probably means painting the whole living room, but that's ok, I like painting.
So a nice little short term goal and project.....just what I like.
I think it's the army brat in me, I like moving...then I think it's the anal retentive weirdo in me that likes how much crap you clean out when you move. Just throw it all away! Whoo-hoo!
Oh and H update....he's calling and texting for silly and no reason at all. So that's cool.
If anyone has any "stay on a good track, a nice smooth loop on this roller coaster ride" please, I'm all ears.
I think yes, leave him be. Let him figure it out but try to maybe flutter around in his head....meaning when you see him, be hot smell good. Be nice and supportive, ask how he's doing and really care about the answer. Avoid any more mentions of OW. That's falling apart I think and he's really wondering what the heck he's doing.
As I've been told often lately (and I love it) "You are the prize.....act like it."
Mach1.....come here.....no no no, little closer....what? No, I don't have a bat behind my back....just come here.....seriously, it's not a bat! What???? I would never hit you with this.....oh Crap!! I did swing that bat at you.....Oh Crap! Did that hurt??????
H was home with us all weekend and it was NOT his weekend with S. Good sign, number one.
On Saturday, he took us out to a movie and dinner with S so we saw Ice Age. He made a big deal of letting me know we were "dating" and made a big deal of paying for everything. It was sort of cute. I repsonded with jokes like "I'm glad you asked me out.....I was worried about dating again with a child.....not sure there are a lot of guys out there who are interested in a woman with a kid......blah blah blah." He played along, it was fun.
Sunday. Nice morning, nice day for me and S, H went to do his own thing. Later, Sunday night ritual, dinner at a friend's house and h meets us there. Small touches, joking, relaxed.
When we are loading up into my car, H says, "Want to go grab some ice cream?" I said sure. He adds "There's about 50 reasons why I hate you right now...." It was said very playfully. So I wasn't sure what to make of it. So I said "Great, that will give us something to talk about while we get ice cream."
I meet him there and ask for the first reason he hates me. He said "Really there's only one. I can't say I care for the smug attitude you have now."
He goes on to explain "You're smug, like you've won the war." I sort of laughed and said you completely don't understand then.
I answered with "I'm not smug. I am happy the fog seems to be lifting around you. My plan is to do nothing, because I'm not sure what else to do to help you. I'm just going to live my life and let you figure this out in your time. I have not offered advice or told you anything about what do to do. So really, this isn't smug, it's mostly, me staying out of your way as much as possible with a child between us and me standing very still, trying to not make eye contact with the pissed off 900 pound gorrilla."
I explained "It wasn't so much the last 7 months that have made me realize I don't know you 100%.....it's been the last two weeks. In the last two weeks, you've been different, and not in bad way toward me, which I'm grateful, but I would never have thought you would have it in you to call a woman a stupid c**t.....to her face. So I'm learning a lot about you and us and I just don't want to be the one the 900 pound gorilla throws a pile of crap at, that he personally crapped into his own hand.......does that make sense? If any part of me is smug, as you say, it's the part where you tell the person I like the least in the world that she's a stupid c**t. But otherwise, no, there's no smug and by no means do I feel like I've won a war.....I feel like I've been through a war, I'm battle weary and leary, but that's it." He said Ok.
Later loading up the car again, he said "I wish I could go back on year and relive this one again." I laughed and said "Yeah, I wish we could go back to and this time you don't exchange numbers with that idiot." He nodded and said "Absolutley.......but she doens't have as much to do with this as you think." I said to him, "H she had a lot to do with all of this.....but honestly, I believe in my heart, maybe this is what had to happen.....because a year ago, I wasn't hearing you. I didn't hear you when you said you were unhappy.." He looked shocked and nodded. He says "Do you think I don't want to come home with you right now.....you're crazy if you don't think I want to be at home with you right now.....you're crazy if you don't know how much I miss him....(points at S) but I need time to figure out how to make this U-turn......let me do it, take your foot off the gas and let me figure it out. Give me a couple of months and I'll be home." I kissed him goodbye and went home.
Ok, here's my question: How do I make sure I don't screw this up?
All advice and suggestions are welcome and very needed here.
You two need a weekend at Retrouvaille. Check the website for locations and dates, www.helpourmarriage.org. They will teach you a communication technique that will help you have a better marriage for the rest of your lives.
Hey A, he told you loud and clear what he needed for you to do. He said, take your foot off the gas pedal and let me figure this out.
He is feeling you trying to rush this - so STOP! He is feeling you trying to drive this - so STOP! He is telling you he wants to figure this out on his own - LET HIM.
Dont go explaining what you are feeling, what he is feeling, what the gorilla is throwing, etc. Just live your life for you and your son. Be kind, love from a distance and go about your life.
Let him figure it out for himself because if he doesnt, you will be back in this same place again.
Hey A, he told you loud and clear what he needed for you to do. He said, take your foot off the gas pedal and let me figure this out.
He is feeling you trying to rush this - so STOP! He is feeling you trying to drive this - so STOP! He is telling you he wants to figure this out on his own - LET HIM.
Dont go explaining what you are feeling, what he is feeling, what the gorilla is throwing, etc. Just live your life for you and your son. Be kind, love from a distance and go about your life.
Let him figure it out for himself because if he doesnt, you will be back in this same place again.
