Don't be hard on yourself A/K. I really have a good feeling about your sitch. NOT that he'll come back, but that you will be truly alright. Sometime soon we should "do lunch" and I'll show you some posts from several happy former DBers who got thru their situations with or without their M"s and are indeed happy. I don't know anyone who isn't now happier than before.
(That's what I should post to G- actually, if he cared to discuss and not endlessly compute his "wins and scoring"...lol)
Would you care to discuss the things you are doing wrong when you are giving advice? Let us start with your methods. Hint (On and on and on comes to mind)....... I wonder if you like to hear yourself talk. Helping people sometimes requires being a good listener and less talking. (Hope that doesn't offend you)
You seem to have a critical spirit.( evidence gathered from the way you sometimes criticize your husband) (I am sure you justify it as "venting") You don't see me talking (venting) about my wife the way you sometimes do your husband. Especially on a public forum. I would think someone as in the know as you would know that. Me thinks you should look in the mirror first, then come and we can discuss. Let's start with YOU. Me thinks you should worry less about me and more about some growth that you seem to need.
Can you two start a new thread if you want to go at it. I am so appreciative of the varying points of view but I'm really in the thick of it and looking for support.
Sometimes less is more and sometimes more is more. Seriously, sometimes I need to read more, relate to more, see myself more to stay on a certain mental track.
And still there is value in the cut and dry advice you give Gucci. It is a bit like getting cold water poured over my head and it works and then there are the complexities of DOING and LIVING.
Gucci, if it resonated as deeply for others as it does for you, if it was as intrinsic for others as it is for you or if it felt as clear as it does for you, it would just flow. But, you're a tough nut with a but of a mean streak and a hard line seems to come easy for you.
I don't want to be coddled and I don't mind getting slapped with a pov that is a bit more acerbic but, you don't have to live AND in some sitches, you don't know what the LBS spouse is dealing with. In some cases there is potential for abuse, financial ruin etc.
Some sitches are unsalvageable and it becomes about mindfully and logically getting out with what you can and with the least damage done. I have a C to make sure I set boundaries and am aware of who I am dealing with.
Anyway, if you want to chime in on my sitch, I'll take it. Always open to it.
